‘I do’: Lots of love for S.F. valentines
No strewing rice or rose pedals, but short marriage vows at City Hall
A lot of people joined hands and did the love, honor and cherish thing at San Francisco City Hall, it being Valentine’s Day.
“I do,” said two freshly minted spouses, on Friday at 10 a.m.
Also at 10:10 a.m., at 10:20 a.m. and at 10:30 a.m., and that was just the first half hour’s blush of love.
On Valentine’s Day, the city hands out free roses, chocolate and photographs — one red rose, eight Hershey’s kisses and four photos per couple. All of a sudden, getting married can seem like a pretty good deal.
Plus, said more than one groom — while their spouses pretended not to hear — by getting married on Valentine’s Day you’re less likely to forget your anniversary.
Heather Lee took the day off from teaching fifth grade and, with soontobe spouse Andrew Lindgren, hopped onto a romantic BART train in the Mission. Their wedding, one of 151 booked at City Hall, was scheduled for 10 a.m. sharp.
They trooped up the grand stone
staircase as if heading for a meeting of the Board of Supervisors, which, fortunately for all things romantic, was not in session.
Their ceremony took four minutes and 27 seconds. City administrator Naomi Kelly stuck to the printed script titled “Marriage Vows (short).” There’s a longer one that gets used sometimes, but not when 150 other couples are cooling their high heels, awaiting their turns beneath a single rotunda
“We are gathered here for the purpose of uniting in matrimony (blank) and (blank),” the form said and, as Kelly read it, she deftly inserted the names Heather and Andrew, which were not the names she would be inserting for the 10:10 a.m. ceremony.
Lindgren, who met Lee through an online dating site a year ago, smiled and said one good thing about Valentine’s Day is that, in future years, a Valentine’s Day present can double as an anniversary present. He said he was just kidding but, on the other hand, he gave Lee only one gift — a set of koala earrings. Another present would be coming later, he added, not the first husband to utter those words.
Getting married in City Hall is a lot cheaper than getting divorced in the courthouse across the street. The marriage license costs $110, the marriage ceremony costs $90 and the marriage certificate costs $15. No lawyers are required for entering the arrangement, only for exiting.
It was no day for skeptics, however. It was a day for satin and splendor. It was a day for smiling at the camera, for passing tissues to your brand new motherinlaw, for fishing anxiously into tuxedo pockets for the small box containing, with any luck, the rings. Everywhere were red hearts and pink hearts. Also scarlet, crimson, ruby and vermillon hearts.
There are rules, all spelled out in the printed application. Six guests, maximum, including the photographer. No throwing rice. No strewing rose petals. City Hall minces no words. Rice and rose petals, even on a wedding day, are a “form of litter.”
“They’re also slipping hazards,” said building supervisor Eric Nelson, who was keeping a sharp lookout.
And, if you get cold feet at the last minute, “ABSOLUTELY NO REFUNDS.” The clerk’s office, which knows much about the love struck, felt the need to put that part on the form in capital letters.
Eleanor and Emily Smith of San Francisco, newly hitched, picked the rotunda because, Eleanor said, they have a “soft spot for City Hall and for its landmark history of gay marriages.”
Theresa Marquardt and John Antonio of Oakland picked San Francisco City Hall because, Marquardt said, “it’s iconic” — Oakland City Hall, not so much.
On a normal day, City Hall does a few dozen weddings. On Valentine’s Day, it does four times that many. Kelly said the city takes in so much in fees that it can afford to spring for the chocolate, the roses and the photo booth rental.
Or maybe Kelly is trying to drum up business. Marriages in San Francisco were off 4% last fiscal year. There were only 10,710 marriages, compared with 11,196 the year before. No one knows why. Especially, said Kelly, not her.
Marriage is only slightly more mysterious than marriage licenses. According to the rules, you may designate yourself either a bride or a groom, or neither, but not both. You must tell the clerk how many times you’ve been married before, even if it doesn’t seem like any of the clerk’s business.
You may also change your name when you get married, no extra charge. It doesn’t have to be your spouse’s name, it can be any name. Once you change it, you can’t unchange it without a judge’s OK. No doovers.
“I understand,” states the marriage license application. You must initial a line that says you do, even if you don’t, if you want to go through with the whole thing, until death or until some other reason (“dissoultion, annulment, terminated domestic partnership or not/applicable,” says the application) do you part.