Expect to ask questions while making small talk

Dear Miss Manners: What has happened to the art of small talk? It is, or used to be, a style of conversation that exchanges small ideas and small questions, enabling people to know each other better. It should make a person more comfortable.

Starting with, “How do you know the host?” is a good idea. Asking “Do you work near here?” is less intrusive than “What do you do?” and lets the person tell as much as they want. If I have met the person before, I might ask, “Are you still working at —?” In turn, the person would ask a question such as, “Are you still involved with your hobby?”

I was at a child’s birthday party where there were more adults than children. It was a small gathering, and I have known all the guests several years. I asked each person questions about their work, their family, hobbies, etc.

Everyone seemed comfortable giving me updates on their lives, but not one person asked me a single question. Not one person, not one question, though we did share stories related to the questions I asked. They all know I am involved with volunteering and what my hobbies are. They know me enough to ask me about my life. Except for two other adults, everyone there was a generation or two younger than me.

Am I feeling sorry for myself ? Am I being selfish? Am I expecting too much of the younger generation?

Gentle Reader: People who talk only about themselves are a bore in any generation. But as you had the next generation readily at hand, Miss Manners would have switched to engaging the children. This assumes they were young enough to learn that their elders may have interesting stories to tell — and requires that you be interesting.