Antagonizing relatives hardly ‘blunt, yet kind’

Dear Miss Manners: I pride myself on being a blunt, yet kind, person. I choose my battles wisely, speak from my heart, and always let someone know when they have upset me or my family.

I have some family members who are not used to my approach, which often leads them to ignore me, shame me on social media or call me names. Should I just keep my mouth shut around them, or continue to be me?

Gentle Reader: The “you” of whom you are so proud is, by your own account, someone who habitually antagonizes others and inspires them to retaliatory rudeness. Miss Manners would not care to attend your family gatherings.

Whatever you mean by “blunt, yet kind,” it is not working. Perhaps you mean the supposed kindness of pointing out everyone’s faults. As it serves no purpose but to inspire the targets to upset you even more, Miss Manners would think that the closedmouth solution would be a good choice.

Dear Miss Manners: Waitstaff in restaurants virtually always place the bill by the male in any party. I take offense at this oldschool, sexist presumption. I would prefer waitstaff either place the bill in the middle of the table, equally accessible to all genders, or just ask who wants the bill. I’m eating in a restaurant; I know I’m going to pay for my meal. It’s not a surprise! How can I politely correct this outdated, sexist practice when it happens?

Gentle Reader: With an outstretched hand and an “I’ll take that, please.”