Raising a baby in 2020 is even more surreal than you think

After my last column, a number of kind readers wrote me some variation of this email: Great to have you writing about this crazy moment in time, Caille, but what about your baby?

Fair enough. After all, earlier this year I told you I was off to give birth.

I didn’t mean to be coy: The baby is doing great, and my family is grateful for your support. It’s just that, well, this is a crazy moment in time. I have no idea what either the baby’s life or her parents’ lives would be like under normal circumstances.

From what I can guess, becoming a parent at any time is a surreal, stressful endurance exercise.

Being a new parent during a global pandemic and a national uprising in affirmation of Black lives? It’s so bizarre, it’s almost comic.

Examples:

Normal parent thought: We haven’t been outside of the house all day, and I’m feeling down about it. I’m stuck inside while everyone else is out having fun.

Pandemic/protest/general conflagration parent thought: We haven’t been outside of the house all day. I feel great about it. We’re trying to stay alive, and absolutely no one is having any fun!

Normal parent thought: We ventured out of the house, and the baby is wailing at strangers. I must not be socializing her enough. Maybe she needs to spend more time with other people?

Pandemic/protest parent thought: The baby can’t recognize other human beings because she’s only seen them in masks. She’ll think everyone outside of her home is an insect. Wish I could do something about it, but oh well.

Normal parent thought: Whew, this baby is a lot of work! As much as I love spending this time with her, I’m looking forward to leaving her with a trusted caregiver so I can focus on a different type of work or see a friend.

Pandemic/protest parent thought: Wow, once upon a time there was this thing called child care and people sent their kids to school. Can you believe it? It sounds like a fantasy because no one knows when we’ll ever have those things again. Normal parent thought: The baby will, at some point, experience racism and sexism. I’ll have to build up her selfesteem, teach her about episodes in this country’s history she won’t learn in school, and make sure she steers clear of hateful people who will be eager to do her harm. Pandemic/protest parent thought: I’ll have to teach this child how to record video of anyone who comes near her. We’ll also do athome lessons in how to neutralize tear gas. Normal parent thought: The baby loves music and dancing. I wonder if she’ll want to take guitar or dance lessons one day? Pandemic/protest parent thought: Music and dancing are nice, but the lessons she really needs are on how to can vegetables, darn socks and basically every other life skill from the last century that my grandmother never taught me because we all thought we lived in a modern country with a social contract, basic governance and regular supply chains. Normal parent thought: Why is the baby crying like this? Does she have a fever?

Pandemic/protest parent thought: The baby must have caught a mutation of the virus that no one has ever seen before. Too bad no one will ever learn about it, since she’ll never get the chance to see a doctor in person again.

Normal parent thought: I wonder what the future will hold for her. I wonder how I can make this world better for her.

Pandemic/protest parent thought: Unless we dismantle all these failed institutions and rebuild new ones right now, the future holds nothing for any of us.

Normal parent thought: San Francisco sure is an imperfect city, but there are lots of reasons we make sacrifices to stay. I’m grateful she’ll have the chance to grow up here.

Pandemic/protest parent thought: Huh, in a year’s time San Francisco will have no restaurants, no businesses and no public transportation. At least the kids who grow up here learn how to organize huge protests against the failings of their elders!

Am I doing this right, fellow parents? I don’t know anything else, so it’s hard for me to say.

What I can say is that we are all doing the best we can under unacceptable circumstances. Let’s keep our kids and ourselves alive for now.

Then, once we get our heads above water, let’s make sure this doesn’t happen ever again. Are you with me?