DEAR ABBY

San Francisco Chronicle Late Edition - - COMICS & PUZZLES - By Jeanne Phillips

Dear Abby: I’m a 35-yearold sin­gle mom. I’ve dated a few peo­ple over the last seven years, but none of them wanted to com­mit. Sev­eral months ago, I started see­ing “Joey,” a friend of a cou­ple of years. He’s sweet, re­spect­ful, hard­work­ing, and he helps me when­ever I need it.

Joey is on the heavy side, but he’s clean and kempt. I in­tro­duced him to my mom, and she con­tin­ues to say he is “gross.” She refers to him only as “that man” and never by his name. He has al­ways been very po­lite and has never said any­thing to her out of the way.

My son and I have lived with Mom ever since my di­vorce, and I have helped her out with more than my share of the bills and gro­ceries. I’m cur­rently try­ing to buy a house, but the mar­ket is com­pet­i­tive with the low in­ter­est rates. I work full time, take great care of my son and do lots of chores around the house.

How can I con­vince my mother to ac­cept Joey, or should I ig­nore what she says as long as he’s good to my son and me?

— Found a Good Guy in the South

Dear Found: Noth­ing you can do will make your mother ac­cept Joey. Most par­ents judge the men in their daugh­ters’ lives by how they treat their daugh­ters, rather than a num­ber on the scale. Has it oc­curred to you that she may be afraid your re­la­tion­ship with Joey could de­velop to the point you will no longer be around to do chores and help her with the bills?

From your de­scrip­tion of him, “that man” is def­i­nitely a keeper. As long as he is good to you and your son and you care for him, please don’t al­low your mother to dis­cour­age you. As an adult, it’s im­por­tant to make your own de­ci­sions and live your own life without in­ter­fer­ence.

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