Wedding the wrong environment to engage in unseemly ‘accounting’

Dear Miss Manners: Because of safety concerns, I invited only a select few people to my physical wedding ceremony. Many friends attended virtually.

We received a mix of well wishes, money and gifts from our registry. Some people gave us $25, some more than $500. I’ve appreciated all the gifts a lot, as I spent as much as a “real” wedding would have cost. And with these crazy times, money is often tight for people.

Some of these friends have upcoming weddings of their own — some virtual, some not. I was under the impression that about $100 per person was the usual amount to give, but it feels awkward giving that when that wasn’t what we received.

If they are having a virtual wedding, do I give them what they gave me? Are gifting rates different from inperson weddings to virtual ones, even though both are weddings?

Gentle Reader: Please stop this unseemly accounting. Nobody owed you a cent for getting married. Nor do you need to return the amount given when the donor is married.

If you cared about these people enough to invite them to your wedding, Miss Manners would think that you would want to celebrate theirs. There are no “gifting rates.” But the decent thing is to be generous to those whose circumstances are, as you say, tight.

Send questions to Miss Manners’ website: www.missmanners.com; to her email address: dearmiss manners@gmail.com; or through postal mail: Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.