Where ‘Saturday Night Live’ got Newsom wrong
logoadorned jacket that actor Alex Moffat was sporting.
The rest of the sketch, to borrow a Newsomism, did not “meet the moment.”
The main problem was that the writers portrayed Newsom as just a pretty face. No, he’s a wonk. To compensate for his lifelong struggle with dyslexia — a learning disorder that makes reading difficult — he’s developed a preternatural ability to memorize and absorb tons of detailed policy and statistics.
But he hasn’t developed the ability to translate those data dives into English that people without a Ph.D. can understand.
That could be a problem if his GOP opponents gather enough valid petition signatures by March 17 to put a recall before voters asking whether he should be removed from office. Part of the challenge Newsom will face should the recall qualify is explaining the actions he took during the pandemic in plain language that voters can understand.
And that’s where “Saturday Night Live” got Newsom wrong. Its writers focused on what he looks like instead of what he says.
It’s understandable that an East Coast show unfamiliar with a West Coast governor got little right other than Newsom’s favorite jacket and his signature slicked back ’do. That’s the easy part of him to mock.
But creating a Newsom parody is as much a science as it is an art. It requires capturing a character who is the right mix of wonk and woke guy. The vibe has to be a mix of a patrician comfortable enough to dissect the wine list at French Laundry, a jock skilled enough to play college baseball, and an aph
orismspouting techie who routinely touts the power of the “iterative process.”
Or, as humans who don’t talk like a Silicon Valley whiteboard would say, “trial and error.”
Saturday’s sketch was centered around a game show called “So You Think You Can Get the Vaccine.” The premise had contestants appearing before the three governors to pitch why they should move to the front of the vaccination line.
The first question asked of Newsom was how California was handling COVID. Moffat’s response: “Teeth: white. Body: tight. COVID: pretty bad.”
Newsom hasn’t given an answer that succinct since he was in elementary school. Remember, this is the man who as mayor of San Francisco once delivered a State
of the City address that was so long (71⁄2 hours), he grew a beard by the end of it.
The pandemic, with its daily fluctuation of stats and constant policy shifts, has only exacerbated his hyperwonkiness, providing Newsom regular opportunities to dive into the policy weeds and pitch a tent there.
Take Newsom’s response to a reporter’s question at Monday’s announcement of a deal he cut with the Legislature to provide $2 billion to school districts that resume at least some inperson instruction by March 31.
The question was about whether he would let districts decide for themselves whether to reopen classrooms. The reporter pointed out that many parents of color are more wary of sending their children back to school than white families
are. In response, Newsom zoomed off on a long trip to Wonkland:
“We can get into a deep dive in terms of the equity framework on LCFF, which by definition is an equity frame, the Title One equity frame which is part of the first CARES and the second CARES Act — by definition an equity frame — the work we did last year on the $5.3 billion on learning loss, which 81% of that was around a deep dive in the equity frame to address the anxieties, particularly for some communities as it relates to going back in person, but also providing supports as it relates to the frame of your question on distance learning, hybrid learning, and different models of engagement ... ”
All yours, SNL. Try to make that funny.
Perhaps what Newsom needs is a real time NewsomtoEnglish Translator.
When Barack Obama was president, the comedy team of Key and Peele had a recurring sketch where they paired him speaking next to an Obama Anger Translator — someone who would instantly render the president’s milquetoast remarks into what he was really thinking.
“I just want to say to my critics,” Jordan Peele, mimicking Obama’s measured tone, said in one sketch, “I hear your voices and I’m aware of your concerns.”
Then “Luther,” Obama’s Anger Translator played by KeeganMichael Key, interjected to explain what the president really meant.
“So maybe if you could chill the hell out for like a second, then maybe I could focus on some (stuff), you know?” Luther screamed.
The NewsomtoEnglish Translator could work the same way. Take for example, when Newsom was asked Monday about how soon state workers would be reimbursed for pay cuts they accepted last year when California was projecting a $54 billion deficit.
Newsom responded that “there are lot of complexities and I don’t want to socialize them right now, particularly because we’re working with those bargaining units to address those issues.”
In other words, “I can’t talk about that because I’m negotiating with the unions.”
Maybe there’s a better NewsomtoEnglish translation of that. But it will take further iteration before it’s ready to be socialized in the moment.