NBC anchor on becoming more selfless
In “Enough About Me: The Unexpected Power of Selflessness,” NBC anchor Richard Lui sets out to create the “antiself selfhelp book,” inspired by his decision to become a caregiver for his father, who has Alzheimer’s.
In 2016, Lui started traveling from New York City to San Francisco — where he grew up — three times a month to help his father, but leading an altruistic life can be done in a smaller way, too. “We make a conscious choice every 15 minutes,” Lui says. “Just pick one of those times — one — to consider how you can be more selfless.”
The Chronicle spoke with Lui, via phone, this month.
Q: In your book you describe many stories of selflessness, yet you also observe we are in an era of “meism.” Bottom line: Are we really getting more selfish?
A: The idea of a selfish pandemic I think is real. The number of people who won’t wear a mask, who won’t take caution in front of others who are vulnerable, that’s selfishness. I’ve stayed up all night covering so many shootings, where people think they are better and smarter and take the lives of other people, that’s the epitome of selfishness. Hate and violence is cheap right now, but there’s always an upswell. Every single time I’m covering these mass killings, there are all these other amazing people around us who stand up, and I always find them.
Q: You write about the moment you went to see your boss at NBC to discuss cutting back your hours so you could care for your father. You were expecting to end your career; instead, she helped you work it out. Was that part of the inspiration for this book?
A: The fact that she went above and beyond in that moment, it was shocking, and propelled this whole new path for me. I know she might be surprised by how that one act of selflessness on her part made such a difference. I hope I’ve made her proud by doing the right things with it.
Q: You grew up in the Richmond District in a tightknit community and went to Argonne Elementary two blocks away. How did this teach you to value community?
A: What I really appreciated is that (my siblings and I) could go over to our
neighbors’ house and know that other parents were looking out for us. They taught me how to ride a bicycle. The time I got hit by a car, which I write about in the book (his neighbors rushed to help and identify the car involved in the hitandrun), that was the epitome of having, as they say in Southeast Asia, a kampung — a village, a collective, where everyone is family.
Q: Your book notes that having three conversations with a person of a different race reduces bias. How can we use connection to fight the rise in hate crimes?
A: There’s the simplicity of reaching out to someone you might not think to connect with, and saying, hey, let’s go hang out, let’s get a coffee. We can also share stories of somebody else being selfless and crossing those lines. When the Oakland attacks (against Asian Americans) were happening a few weeks ago, I shared a story on Instagram about this overnight security guard, Jacob (Azevedo), who is Hispanic, who said, “I can’t people believe people are being treated this way, I’m going to walk them home” (which inspired others to volunteer).
Q: Can you talk about the realities of caregiving and how feeling overwhelmed doesn’t make you selfish?
A: In the caregiving space, I am still very much a work in progress. There are times when I want to do it; there are times when it’s 3 a.m., and I’m standing on the subway platform on my way to JFK, when I think, “I can’t do this any longer.” The question is, how can we make sure that overall, it’s more good than bad, more positive than negative? The book tries to be a practical instructional manual.