Therapist’s retirement a cause for reflection
I just found out my therapist of five years is retiring.
This probably sounds like the setup to a joke, but it’s not. If I were going to make a joke, which I was once told was a form of psychological deflection during a session, I would probably say something like, “Anyone who has had to listen to my Millennial frustrations for the past five years deserves a happy retirement.”
I’m grateful that I have access to mental health care through my insurance, which I know is not true for everyone. Living in San Francisco — or anywhere in the United States — in 2022 you see the results of a society with insufficient emphasis on and access to mental health care in an intimate way. Locally, we witness people suffering on the streets and self-medicating. Nationally, we are confronted by it in the form of the mass shooting phenomenon and in the ludicrous, mendacious rhetoric of the gaslighting wing of our culture.
There are so many times when I wish the world could just collectively get on the couch and work through some things.
I’ve always been a fan of the idea of check-ins with a therapist as a part of my emotional maintenance plan. Whether we’re talking about the Golden Gate Bridge, our bodies or our psyches, I’m a believer in maintenance and consulting experts. I’ve never understood why so many people think that seeking therapy is somehow a sign of weakness or that there’s some kind of mental fortitude or grit that comes with internalizing your emotions. I don’t cut my own hair or do my own dentistry, so why wouldn’t I enlist a professional for my mental health?
In the past 2½ years of pandemic existence, many people have found themselves living with new kinds of stresses and fears that have manifested in different ways. During that first year of the COVID-19 pandemic alone, global prevalence of anxiety and depression increased an estimated 25%, according to a scientific brief released by the World Health Organization in March. A 2021 survey from the American Psychological Association showed, not surprisingly, that psychologists reported referrals almost doubling from 2020, from 37% to 62%.
With my therapist’s retirement, it made me reflect on how little thanks mental health care providers get across the board. Because the needs and concerns of everyday life aren’t something that heal or get better in an obvious way, like a broken leg or physical illness, I think we’re bad about acknowledging their impact. I’m also not sure pop culture has ever accurately depicted the life benefits of therapy.
When you see therapy in movies and on television, its success is usually demonstrated with some big “aha” moment where the person is pushed to a cathartic breakthrough (think the “It’s not your fault” scene in “Good Will Hunting”). That possibly happens for some people, but for most of us, the work we do in session would be pretty boring conversations for an observer.
But that’s not to say that work isn’t essential.
I’m not going to write about what my therapist and I have discussed these past five years in a column (please, I’m saving that for a book), but I will say I would not have fared as well without our time together. The calling to help people is obviously noble, but the calling to listen to people is particularly special.
I am grateful to all in the mental health care field who let us work through our stories.