Just say thanks for thoughts

Dear Miss Manners: My question concerns the phrase “thoughts and prayers,” which imposes one’s own religion on those with differing (or no) religious beliefs.

I do respect the rights of individuals to believe in and practice their own religion. However, I do not think that any religious beliefs/practices should be forced upon others.

I am a longtime atheist. I have now been diagnosed with potentially terminal cancer. Numerous friends and family have started praying for me, and very publicly announcing that they are doing so even to the point of recruiting people I don’t know to participate.

How should I respond to these unrelenting verbal proclamations of “thoughts and prayers”? Despite that my atheist beliefs are known to these people, they seem to be preying upon me as a weakened individual to recruit for their own faith.

My inner voice wants to say, “Praying is more for your own well-being to feel that you and your religion somehow deserve credit for my potential recovery, or that you did everything you could in the event of my demise.” But I suspect that would be considered rude.

Managing the physical and mental stress of a terminal illness is a full-time job. The last thing I need is to be constantly bombarded with self-serving religious proselytizing. Please help me with the right response. And help educate others about this offensive behavior.

Gentle Reader: “Thoughts and prayers” has become such a commonplace reaction that Miss Manners doubts she can dislodge it. However annoying you find this, you know these people intend it as sympathetic support.

So no, you do not want a reply that sounds rude. But you might say, mildly, “You know I am a devout atheist, don’t you?” Or, “I appreciate your thoughts. Your prayers are between you and your beliefs.”