Nuptials in Belize won’t be a breeze

DEAR AMY >> Our daughter (age 31) is getting married for the first time to her long-time boyfriend. Parents of the couple are contributing $10,000 each to the wedding.

We were expecting a local wedding where friends and family from all over the United States would be able to attend.

The couple looked into various venues and could not locate one to their liking.

They have since decided to hold the wedding at a fancy resort in Belize! Belize!

They have related to us that it would be cheaper for them to have the wedding there, rather than pay for a local venue.

My wife and I are in our upper-60s and in poor health.

We cannot imagine going to Belize. We have shared our reservations about going, but are walking a fine line, as our daughter can become quite volatile when she is challenged.

Going would require us to spend at least another $5,000 for flights, food, lodging, boarding of dogs, etc.

If we mention anything about the cost, I am sure our daughter would offer to pay for us, which is not what we want.

We want to support the couple, but feel they are being extremely selfish in their decision.

We have resigned ourselves to go but are not happy about it.

No one from my side or my wife’ side of the family would attend. Other than the two sets of parents, I doubt if anyone else would attend.

We would gladly give them the additional money we would spend if they would have a local wedding, and then honeymoon in Belize.

What to do?

— Exhausted Dad

DEAR DAD >> Couples sometimes plan destination weddings when they become overwhelmed by the thought of a large local wedding and its attendant hassles.

My take on this is that it seems as if your daughter and her fiance are basically trying to limit the guest list, if not eliminate it altogether.

You might ask your daughter and her fiance if they would be willing to get legally married in a small private local wedding so that you and other health-compromised elders could witness it and throw them a small party afterward, and then cheerfully send them on their way to enjoy their planned festivities with any other attendees who might be able to make the trip to Belize.

This idea may make your daughter unhappy. She will interpret this as you trying to control her special day. Ultimately, the wedding should be about the couple.

DEAR AMY >> Like “Decluttered,” my family grew weary of material gifts we did not need, so I suggested to donate the same money to a charity each Christmas. We have been doing that for 20 years.

Decluttered could ask the kids to pick a charity to donate to, and suggest relatives make a small donation to the child’s special cause in lieu of material gifts.

— Brian, in Windsor