My Top 10 2023 headlines
“Those who remember the past are condemned to remember it,” my late friend the poet Greg Hall used to say. That's why I don't write yearin-review stories: Who wants to revisit the most memorable (usually bad) news of another lousy year? Even good news, when it exists, takes on an air of nostalgic melancholy in retrospect. So on the eve of a new year I prefer to look ahead. Here are some headlines and capsule summaries of stories I look forward to reading in 2023.
Putin falls off his horse.
Russian President Vladimir Putin was thrown from his horse and kicked in the head by the animal while riding naked in a military parade. When he regained consciousness he immediately ordered the withdrawal of Russia from all of occupied Ukraine and offered to assist in the reconstruction of the country he tried to destroy.
Trump family intervenes.
The 45th president was placed under house arrest by his wife and children, who staged an intervention to spare the nation any more of his increasingly bizarre behavior. Melania, Don Jr., Ivanka, Eric, Tiffany and Barron chained their paterfamilias to a solid gold, lifesize statue of himself in the dungeon of his Mar-a-Lago madhouse and took away his phone, rendering him harmless.
Globe begins to cool.
With the hot toxic breath of the former president no longer in circulation, the earth began to recover from its overheating crisis.
Harvey Weinstein apologizes.
The former movie mogul, facing the rest of his days in prison with nothing to do but reflect on his crimes, admitted he has been the most disgusting of monsters and apologized to the countless victims of his violations.
Rail Trail rewilded.
Realizing their futuristic plan was as futureless and unaffordable as Jerry Brown's bullet train to nowhere and an environmental disaster besides, the Reasonable Transportation Commission admitted its mistake and voted overwhelmingly to have the rusty railroad tracks ripped out and recycled and to leave the rail corridor to the trees, plants, birds, butterflies and animals that are its rightful inhabitants.
Taj Garage Towers canceled.
Inspired by the example of the RTC and embarrassed by its own squandered millions and years of wasted time, the Santa Cruz City Council announced it is abandoning its plan to build a mixed-use parking-garage affordable-housing children's-hospital miniaturegolf comedy-club sportsarena shooting-range public library and voted unanimously to redesign Parking Lot 4 as a town plaza, reconstruct the library in Civic Center and build 400 units of 100% affordable housing on Lot 7.
Santa Cruz plants 10,000 trees.
The City Council, in a fit of sustainability, voted 7-0 to compensate for the steroidal overdevelopment of the urban landscape and the rampant razing of heritage trees by planting 10,000 saplings of diverse species as an act of restorative ecology.
Rain replenishes water supply.
A pleasantly rainy winter has refilled the Loch Lomond reservoir, the San Lorenzo River and the Soquel Creek aquifer to provide enough water for 10,000 new residents' hot tubs, swimming pools, dishwashers, toilets, showers, drinking taps, cooking pots, front lawns and golf courses.
Nickelodeon reopens.
The beloved Santa Cruz art house cinema, a vanishing venue for independent, innovative and foreign-language films, thanks to the end of the pandemic reopened its doors with The International Festival of Cat Videos Written and Directed by Cats.
Homeless hotels approved.
The City Council, in a unanimous decision to solve Santa Cruz's homelessness problem, approved a proposal by the nonprofit developer Homes Not Bums to construct twin 22-story residential hotels, the King Tide Inn and Tsunami Suites, on the west bank of the San Lorenzo for the unhoused population to reside in, rent free, for life.
All good news to you and yours in the new year.