El mitote

For the low, low price of $39.50, you, good American consumer, can purchase a T-shirt from J.Crew to display your pride in New Mexico — rather, your pride in “New Mexico,” because J.Crew has no idea what the hell New Mexico looks like.

From the jagged peak of Shiprock in the southeast, to the stunning living history of Taos Pueblo in the far west, to the picturesque snowcapped mountains near Tucumcari, the “New Mexico” depicted on this J.Crew T-shirt is more embarrassing and riddled with errors than Sean Spicer on a Tuesday.

This T-shirt, which shows the outline of the state and different landmarks within it, is an outrageous affront to geography that merits no less than the full-throated condemnation of the Legislature, a retraction and free gift cards to all. To all!

Sure, you might say, ‘Hey, El Mitotero, calm down, it’s just a shirt.’ Is it, citizen? If we don’t point out errors when we see them, we are doomed to die as we lived — confused and on the wrong side of the Rio Grande because the “in-house” J.Crew design team that sketched a New Mexico T-shirt design couldn’t be bothered to Google where Santa Fe is.

J.Crew has other state-themed T-shirts. Maine, for example, has moose and lobsters and canoes all over the place. Fine, probably accurate, who cares. California has Hollywood generally near where Hollywood is. The cities and lakes of Florida are meticulously identified, all in their correct places.

New Mexico? Eh, throw those landmarks wherever the hell. No one lives there anyway.

Nay — we, the chile eaters, demand respect, J.Crew!

All the same, for their evident and utter lack of knowledge about the look of our state, we must simply be glad J.Crew didn’t draw a huge pile of blue meth in the middle there. Kudos to all.