From gifts to gowns: A guide to graduation day decorum
On the eve of high school graduations around the country, I reflect back on my own 25 years ago. The details are fuzzy, but I fondly remember sharing the day with visiting grandparents and the pair of gold earrings I received.
This week, we revisit etiquette tips for graduates and their families and friends, which will provide an education about all those upcoming commencement ceremonies and soirees.
The size of the commencement venue typically determines how many admission tickets are allotted to each graduate. Etiquette suggests inviting immediate family and grandparents first. If you need more tickets, inquire among fellow students to see if anyone has extras. If you have no luck, explain your dilemma diplomatically to friends and family.
Grandparents, for example, may have to compromise as to which one will attend. For those who don’t score tickets, consider your backsides spared two hours of bleacher seating, and rendezvous with family and friends for a postceremony celebration.
Graduation invitations should be sent at least 10 to 14 days in advance — more, if those invited will be traveling long distances.
Announcements, on the other hand, are traditionally mailed on or after graduation day, and are meant to share the good news. As traditions change, however, it’s not unusual for announcements to be sent up to two weeks before the big day, and to include an invitation to a party for friends and family.
Announcing your graduation is not only good etiquette, but serves as a useful networking tool. Invitations and announcements are often provided by the school, but you may choose to custom order yours from a stationer or create them yourself. Send formal announcements in the mail — don’t email them. It takes the polish off the apple.
When it comes to gifts for graduates, there is only one set rule of etiquette. If you are invited to attend the ceremony or a party, you should send or take a gift. If you receive only an announcement, you are not obligated to give a gift.
Traditionally, graduates are presented with corsages or boutonnieres before the ceremony, or bouquets of flowers afterward.
Cars and computers often top the wish lists of graduates. Jewelry — such as a class ring, pearls or monogrammed cuff links — has sentimental value and will likely be enjoyed for a lifetime.
A smartwatch, noise-canceling headphones and voice-recognition devices like Echo Dot are popular and utilitarian choices. Luggage like duffel bags that collapse for easy storage under a dorm room bed also are good choices.
A care package filled with toiletries, linens and reminders of home can be personalized to your graduate’s taste.
Budget or no budget, thoughtfully written cards sharing your reflections and observations of graduates over the years, perhaps accompanied by old photos, are always moving.
Another priceless gesture is to share with graduates any personal or business contacts you have who may be of help when they venture out into the world.
Other appropriate gifts are personalized stationery, pens, business card holders, stock options, family heirlooms and cameras.
Cash gives graduates the freedom to spend as they desire. Depending on your budget and your relationship to graduates, the average gift amounts range from $20 to $100. An alternative is a gift card to a restaurant or retailer. Include it with a greeting card.
It’s imperative that graduates acknowledge the generosity and thoughtfulness of friends and family by handwriting thank-you notes for each gift received. They should refer to the specific gift and describe how it is being enjoyed. Learning to write thankyou notes is a lifelong etiquette skill that will prove just as valuable as what is learned in the classroom.
I highly recommend schooling graduates in the protocol of pomp and circumstance. It’s so refreshing to see young men and women exhibit poise and confidence during commencements. Young men should press gowns and polish shoes. Young ladies should save high heels and high hemlines for more appropriate occasions. Caps should be worn so that the mortarboards are level. Only men should remove their caps — during the playing of the National Anthem and the school song.
Even if your graduate’s name begins with a letter that comes early in the alphabet, you are obligated to stay for the remainder of the ceremony.
Students who know people skills and politesse will always be at the head of the class.
Congratulations to the Class of 2017!
Bizia Greene is an etiquette consultant and owner of the Etiquette School of Santa Fe. Send your comments and conundrums to hello@ etiquettesantafe.com or 505-988-2070.