The difference Dad makes
The benefits of an involved father
Sunday morning is the perfect time to stay in your pajamas, make some waffles and relish time with family. Only this coming Sunday, the waffle-making and time spent together will be in honor of Dad and other father figures around the world. Father’s Day actually started with a Mother’s Day sermon back in 1910. History.com reports that two years after Mother’s Day became a commercial holiday in 1908, Sonora Smart Dodd, one of six children raised by a widower, rallied for an equivalent holiday in honor of male parents. Thanks to her success, families throughout the nation and other parts of the world may now enjoy a simple yet meaningful holiday where fathers can be celebrated for a day. Some people call Dodd “The mother of Father’s Day.”
The spectrum of father involvement is vast. Some fathers are heavily involved in their child’s life even during the prenatal period, which research reveals leads to stronger health outcomes for mothers and newborns. On the other, rather sad, end, some fathers may be absent or minimally involved. The National Center for Fathering says that some 20 million American children do not have fathers.
And that involvement can make all the difference in how well a child succeeds later on. The National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse reports that preschoolers with actively involved fathers have stronger verbal skills and that father involvement encourages children’s exploration of the world and overall confidence, which increases their curiosity and capacity to problem-solve. Other studies say a dad’s involvement in a child’s education is critical to developing proper learning skills, which is where storytelling and reading to a child can really pay off at home.
Other studies report that a dad’s involvement and interest in his children’s lives can reduce the likelihood of depression, fear and doubt in a child.
Local teens who have built strong connections to their dads understand that. Kate Schiliro, who will be a senior at Santa Fe Prep, said her father “motivates me to not only improve and grow, but to care about those around me. Growing up, he emphasized four core values to aspire to: Be honest, be kind, have courage and have decency.”
On the lighter side, her dad’s goofiness “cheers me up and makes me laugh,” she said.
Single dad Peter Dwyer said the toughest job he faces as a father is “to be a good role model all the time.” He said his own dad taught him “to enjoy hardship and take satisfaction in having been challenged,” a trait that has informed his own approach to parenting. While his father had what Dwyer calls an “old school” parenting style, Dwyer said he is becoming more of a “softy” with regards to his own son, Rowan.
Despite the absence of an engaged father, many children still find connections with a father figure. Sarbjot Jessop, who will be a senior at Santa Fe Prep who has grown up without his father being present, said, “A lot of the dads of my friends — when I was growing up — have always stepped up and done their best to make me feel like I’m part of the family, which has been really amazing for me. Also, my grandfather was a really important father figure in my life.”
And over the decades, the role that fathers play has changed because of a number of reasons. No longer expected to be married breadwinners and disciplinarians, responsibilities have shifted as the times have changed. The changing economic roles of women have had much to do with this shift in family dynamics, particularly as more and more women have joined the workforce.
Dwyer believes people assume that Mom is still the one who will handles all the day-to-day parenting responsibilities “both in marriage and in divorce.” But he said that when his son was younger, he lived more with Dwyer than his mom, leading Dwyer to take a far more active role in his son’s life.
But yet another study — this one from the University of Massachusetts — reassures us that fathers are often the go-to source of play and “relaxation” in many households. The data from the study reveal that mothers have a stronger impulse toward multitasking and assuming a management role in their kids’ lives (i.e., dealing with doctor’s appointments, summer camp enrollment and shuttling them around), while fathers are more likely to relax with the kids and engage in leisure activities such as watching television, playing sports or video games, roughhousing, socializing and eating.
Chloe Casdagli, who will be a senior at Santa Fe Waldorf, does similar activities with her father: “A favorite tradition I have with my dad is sharing books, movies and TV shows. We read the Hunger Games together several times and afterward, challenged each other to fun games of trivia.”
Whether it’s the little things that dads and father figures do (watching a Disney movie repeatedly, cooking a favorite meal, tolerating the bickering from the back seat of the car, cheering excitedly from the bleachers and taking their kids to a professional game or concert), or the extreme things (saving a science project, shuttling kids to and from sports practices and extracurricular activities, and getting huge spiders out of your bedroom), every Dad action has an underlying value as a child.
As Schiliro puts it, “Whether it’s late-night advice talks, or having a catch on the ball field, my dad is the absolute bomb!”