Ignorant beliefs
Every once in a while, the elitist media falls in love with some study or poll that demonstrates, once again, that ordinary Americans are idiots. The most recent one revealed that 7 percent of American adults believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows.
It occurred to me and a few friends that if your criterion is merely 7 percent, there are a lot more things the ignoranti might believe:
The reason companies want you to listen to their voicemail carefully is really and truly that their options have recently changed.
The reason cheese smells like that is that the milk is stomped into cheese with bare feet. It’s why they call the remaining bits clinging to feet “toe cheese.”
Chocolate-chip ice cream comes from Dalmatians.
It is possible to win (or even complete) a game of Monopoly.
The sun goes down in the evening and comes back up a while later as the moon.
Celebrity endorsers have compared a bunch of products and concluded, after lots of analysis, that this is the best one on the market. Rivers run south because that’s “down.” Pineapples grow on pine trees. The rumor about infinite monkeys in a room with infinite typewriters eventually producing the complete works of Shakespeare is not true because they tried it once and all the monkeys ever came up with was some Stephen King and a few lesser Chekhovs.
The best proof of God is that Mount Rushmore was carved by the wind. Mustaches are just long, really well-groomed nose hair. All dogs are male and all cats are female. Jared Kushner was selected for his White House role on a blind basis, without Donald Trump being aware of the relationship to his daughter. All spiders grow up to be tarantulas. Kosher hot dogs come from circumcised bulls. Radio waves from Earth will basically never reach other solar systems because they only travel at the speed of sound.
Three million child molesters voted illegally on voting machines in the tunnel linking Mexico and Comet Ping Pong in Washington.
You can’t commit a murder while wearing a glove that doesn’t fit.
Lotto numbers 6, 22, 23, 40, 41 and 48 are much more likely to hit as a jackpot than the numbers 1,2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. .
If something Is written like this, it must be a poem.
In the Southern Hemisphere, Tilt-a-Whirls rotate in reverse because of physics. In Israel, Santa Claus is Jewish. If a cow has horns, it’s a bull. The scientific distinction between fruits and vegetables is that fruits “taste good.”
news release from an organization that claims it did a poll showing 7 percent of people think chocolate milk comes from brown cows is probably scientifically based and highly accurate and does not reflect that smartasses were just messing around with the poll takers.
Thanks to Stephen Litterst, Kara Laughlin, Claire Keeler, Crystal Adaway, Hank Wallace, Jeffrey Contompasis, Mark Raffman, Robert Schechter, Donald Brinson, Barbara Turner, Jim Derby, Janet Galope, Valerie Holt, Rafi Laufer and Ellen Goldlust.