Husband controls wife’s meetings

Dear Annie: I am concerned about one of my friends, “Amanda.” She and I are both middle-aged housewives with only part-time jobs. For the past six months or so, we’ve been having lunch together once a week.

Amanda comes from a much more repressed background than I do. She was raised to believe that wives should be submissive to their husbands, etc.

Our weekly lunch is in a restaurant that’s located inside a supermarket. I like the food there. Amanda used to say she liked the location because when her husband asked about her day, she could truthfully tell him she had only gone to the grocery. She said it would take time for her to let him know about having a new friend.

Amanda has complained about her controlling husband. However, she has such an upbeat disposition, I thought she was exaggerating. She told me that since she’s gotten to know me, she’s had the courage to speak up to her husband, and it has led to some positive changes in their marriage.

The next week, Amanda’s husband just showed up with her at our lunch. I welcomed meeting him.

Since then, however, he has come with her every week. He owns his own business, so he must have rearranged his whole schedule to lunch with us! He sits with us but doesn’t say much. Of course, my conversation with Amanda is quite different with him sitting there. This whole thing seems weird to me. I’m afraid that if I were to say much, our lunches would end altogether. Do you have any suggestions? — Silenced in the Supermarket

Dear Silenced: Though you might be limited in what you can say to Amanda, your mere presence speaks volumes. It tells her she’s not alone — that someone cares. To someone in an abusive relationship, that’s an invaluable message. And that’s why the best thing you can do for Amanda right now is to continue attending these lunches and pretending her husband’s presence is welcome. Any perceived rejection of him would be used to separate you from her. Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) for more guidance.

Dear Annie: I certainly sympathize with “Concerned Legionnaire’s Wife.” Many years ago, I attempted to sign up for an American Legion post but was told by a misinformed individual that women could not join the organization. Rather than judge the entire organization by the erroneous view of one individual, I found another American Legion post. Today I am the national commander of The American Legion, and that original post displays my official photograph with the words, “She could have belonged to this post. Remember, women are veterans too!” — Denise H. Rohan

Dear Commander Rohan: The behavior “Concerned Legionnaire’s Wife” described might have taken place at an American Legion post, but it had nothing to do with The American Legion . Thank you for all that you and the organization have done. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.