Grampo takes communion ‘a las gallinas’
Una mañana after breakfast, Grampo Carlampio went out into the porch para calentarse con el sol that had risen that morning. As he stepped out en el portal, he found Canutito sitting there con su perrito en brazos. El muchachito seemed to be trying de hacer warm up al little puppy who was shivering como con mucho frío. Grampo looked at the cachorrito and noticed que he was all wet. He asked Canutito:
“Hey, m’hijo, why is your puppy shivering de frío? He seems to be all mojão.”
“The reason que he is all wet, grampo,” Canutito explained es porque I just baptized him. The neighbor gave him to me la semana pasada but he told me que el perrito no tenía any kind of a name. This morning, cuando I came outside, I decided de bautizarlo so I took the puppy down pa’l río and I dunked him en el agua. Ahora his name is ‘Max’.”
“You shouldn’t have done eso, m’hijo,” grampo corrected him sitting down en los steps del portal. Los animales no saben anything about los sacramentos de la iglesia. They can love you and lick your face pero ellos no saben nada de Dios. It is just like aquella silly mujer who went to church last week y fue a comulgar, but instead of swallowing la hostia she tried to sneak out con la Holy Eucharist en la mano to give a su perro enfermo. Eso no era a good thing to do porque la Divina Eucarestía is for good Cristianos Católicos y no para los pobre perros who don’t understand su meaning verdadero.”
“I understand, grampo,” Canutito agreed. “La otra vez I will just nombrar al perro sin hacerlo dunk en el agua.”
“Of course,” Grampo Caralampio went on, “a veces we do cosas porque we don’t understand them. En un tiempo, when I was a little boy allá en Canjilón, I used to go to Santa Fe con mi Grampo Valdez every weekend. He used to take me to hear Mass in Latin a la misa allá en el monasterio de las Carmelitas.”
“Dispénseme grampo,” Canutito interrupted him, “¿qué es un ‘monasterio’ and what are ‘Carmelitas’?”
“Un ‘monasterio’ es un convento where the nuns live. Una ‘Carmelita’ is una nun who lives solamente behind closed and locked doors en un cloister. She spends toda su vida rezando and in between prayers, she and her sister ‘Carmelitas’ bake wafer-thin bread para las hostias. Las hostias son esos round panecitos que son used during communion at Mass después de que el padre las hace consecrate.” “Oh, ahora sí entiendo, grampo,” Canutito said. “Well, después de la misa con las Carmelitas,” continued grampo, “he would back up su troca a la puerta del claustro without seeing them and load un saco de guangoche into his truck.”
“And what was en ese gunny sack, grampo?” Canutito asked him todo intrigued.
“Eran los left-over bits and pieces del las broken hostias que no se podían hacer use for consecration, m’hijo,” grampo said. “Mi Grampo Valdez would haul them home y usarlas to feed a las gallinas y a los marranos en casa.”
“So would the chicken and pigs would receive Holy Communion then, grampo?” Canutito asked him.
“Not at all, m’hijo,” grampo replied. “porque las hostias no estaban consecrated por el padre en la iglesia.”
“Wow, grampo!” Canutito teased. “I bet you que las gallinas hacían lay sacred eggs y los marranos would give you holy ham!”
“Ahora you are just being silly, m’hijo,” grampo laughed. Canutito laughed con él también.