Helping kids break the cycle of abuse
Seeds of Hope program at Esperanza Shelter offers therapy for children who have witnessed domestic violence in effort to break the cycle
Esperanza Shelter program offers therapy for children who have witnessed domestic violence.
Two siblings sat back to back, the boy holding a spaceship crafted from Legos and the girl attempting to re-create it with her own Lego pieces by following her brother’s instructions.
At the third step, they hit a wall. Tension was mounting. Their voices rose as their confusion grew.
Their mother watched with a smile and tried not to intervene as her kids struggled with the challenge.
Suddenly, the boy, 11, took a deep breath. “I don’t understand what you’re saying,” he told his sister. Another deep breath. The 10-year-old girl rephrased her question about the spacecraft’s construction, and their work continued more calmly.
In the end, the siblings didn’t succeed in their mission to build identical Lego creations, but they did use the communication skills and anger management tools they had been learning over the past year as part of a children’s therapy program at the Esperanza Shelter for Battered Families. The 2-year-old program, Seeds of Hope, has helped the pair overcome trauma from years of witnessing domestic violence in their home.
The New Mexican is withholding the children’s names for safety reasons.
Esperanza received a $40,000 startup grant from the Lineberry Foundation in Albuquerque to launch the program in August 2016. Since then, the shelter has been awarded grants from nonprofits and government agencies, such as the city of Santa Fe’s Children and Youth Commission, the New Mexico Children, Youth and Families Department and the Kiwanis Club of Santa Fe. The funds have allowed Esperanza to expand the program.
By October, Seeds of Hope had hired four full-time staff members who are offering play-based therapy, art therapy, life skills coaching and other services to children from abusive homes — not only to help them heal, but also to help break a cycle of domestic violence.
“What we hope is that we are planting seeds that they can nurture all their life,” said Linnea Knoespel, the program’s longest-serving child therapist. She was working with the siblings who tackled the Lego project.
What we hope is that we are planting seeds that they can nurture all their life.” Linnea Knoespel, child therapist
After their mother accused their father of violence and removed them from the abusive home, Knoespel said, the children found solace in Seeds of Hope.
The young girl credited Knoespel with easing their transition.
“I feel like she’s helped a lot with our family and helping us feel better living together,” the girl said.
Esperanza, which traditionally has focused on providing counseling and aid to adult survivors of domestic violence, also serves an average of 200 children a year in both its residential shelter and nonresidential support programs.
Knoespel said therapists treat children of all ages, engaging their interests and meeting them in their reality.
For instance, she said, a child may demonstrate behaviors stemming from trauma while playing with a dollhouse or kitchen. How they play can be telling of what they have experienced.
“They’re bringing all this information,” Knoespel said, “and we’re there with them and trying to make sense of their world.”
She recalled a 6-year-old girl who revealed suicidal thoughts while playing with dolls.
Child trauma is often deeper than many people expect, said child therapist Mariana Marachlian, adding that suicidal thoughts, developmental freezes and behavioral changes are common in children exposed to domestic violence.
Marachlian, who specializes in infant therapy, said a misconception is that babies and small children are too young to understand what’s happening when violence erupts in their home. Even infants are affected by traumatic experiences, she said.
As part of the Seeds of Hope expansion, Esperanza now offers group therapy sessions for children that coincide with adult sessions and focus on communication skills, nonviolent conflict resolution, self-confidence and emotional intelligence.
During one recent session, staff member Andrea Stillwell had a group of six children decorate superhero capes to showcase a superpower they had chosen based on their strength — such as kindness or speed.
As they painted, pressed stamps and sprinkled glitter glue on their capes, the children ages 10 and under displayed differing levels of healing when approached by unfamiliar adults with questions about their creations.
After a nod from Stillwell assuring her that the inquisitive visitors were safe adults, a 7-year-old girl began to speak as freely as if she were dictating her memoir.
Two siblings, Ashley Jimenez, 8, and her brother Oscar, 6, responded at first with just mutters and shy smiles but warmed up over time.
“They have learned to express themselves more,” their mother, Janet Baltazar, said in Spanish. “[This program] is important because they’re learning not to be aggressive.”
Another brother-sister duo in the group silently averted their eyes when faced with questions.
The two were still a long way from healing, Stillwell said. “It’s a huge trust issue.”
Domestic violence breaks children’s understanding of healthy relationships, said life skills coordinator Camille Tercero. As Marachlian works with children in therapy at Esperanza’s domestic violence shelter, Tercero tries to help the children re-establish routines and demonstrate what a good, safe relationship with an adult can be.
“We’re modeling a different way of connecting,” Tercero said.
The decision for an adult to leave an abusive relationship
and seek refuge is difficult, she said, adding it can be even more challenging when children are involved.
“You risk raising a child that thinks violence is the answer,” Tercero said.
That’s where Seeds of Hope comes in.
“My goal,” Tercero said, “is to have them walk out of the shelter with something stable, sturdy to stand on.”