MANNERS, PLEASE? THANK YOU
In the age of social media, is a little etiquette asking too much?
Unless particular customs and ways of being are reinforced at home, which is where most people are first introduced to manners, we will see more behavior that reflects a lack of manners.” Psyche Williams-Forson, associate professor and chairwoman of the Department of American Studies at the University of Maryland
You’re rushing from class to class at school, pushing open one door after another to get to your destination. But have you paused to consider whether there’s anyone behind you who might benefit from you holding that door open for a few extra seconds?
You pull your car into the driveway of the girl you are taking out on a first date. Do you go to the door and introduce yourself to her parents, or just honk the horn and expect her to come running out?
Traditionally, manners have been front and center for social situations and standards, but today’s teens are changing the protocol, experts say.
And with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it might be a good time for teens to consider how important manners are when it comes to connecting with — and impressing — others.
“In civilized society, manners are important for a host of reasons,” said Psyche Williams-Forson, associate professor and chairwoman of the Department of American Studies at the University of Maryland, College Park. “One, they emphasize humanity and graciousness. Two, they have a way of ordering our behaviors. Three, among others ways, they serve as a guide to traditions and practices that are reflective in all cultures,”
But, she said, social media has caused manners to change for teens, and not necessarily for the better.
“As children are introduced to social media at a younger and younger age, various cultural norms and practices related to politeness and manners are giving way as they are introduced to what they see other children, teens and adults doing online,” she said. “Children begin to imitate adults who don’t always exercise the best judgment.
“This means that unless particular customs and ways of being are reinforced at home, which is where most people are first introduced to manners, we will see more behavior that reflects a lack of manners.”
Zach Quintana, a student at Tierra Encantada Charter School, agrees that all forms of etiquette are completely lost through social media. “There are no manners,” he said. “People can do what they want.”
On the other hand, Capital High School student Jacqueline Samanigo believes manners still apply in social media platforms, even if they are not always followed. But, she said, “A lot of people are putting others down by adding rude comments, and that’s not necessary at all.”
To see how Santa Fe teens practice manners at school, Generation Next staff members performed an experiment in their schools. In each school, a Generation Next reporter would either hold the door open for five minutes, counting the number of thank-you responses by students walking through, or count the number of thank-you’s students gave while they worked their way through the lunch line over a fiveminute period. How did students fare? At Santa Fe High School, just eight people said “thank you” out of about 60 students. At Santa Fe Prep, two experiments were performed. In the first, four out of 13 students said “thank you,” and during the second trial, two out of nine students said “thank you.” At Mandela International Magnet School, seven out of 10 said “thank you,” and at St. Michael’s High School, it was eight out of 10.
Manners can also come in handy when teens are dating. “We are in a hypersexual society, so for many teens, dating equals sex. It’s what they hear in the music, see in movies and online,” Williams-Forson said. “With the explosion of television programs and social media sites, dating is out of control.”
Quintana disagrees, claiming there is at least some traditional social etiquette still involved with dating. “Make sure you have a lot of politeness, talk in a good manner, be respectful,” he said. He also believes that the man should pay for dinner on a first date.
Similarly, Samanigo expects her date to be somewhat mannerly, but not necessarily for herself. “For my parents, it would be better if they got out of the car and knocked and presented themselves. … I would kind of of expect that,” she said.
“But, if they just honked at me, I wouldn’t mind that at all.”
Nevertheless, there are many teens who work on their manners by taking classes. Dina Schmid, an etiquette consultant and owner of Queen City Etiquette in Cincinnati, believes manners are important in everyday life, and her classes aim to cover such issues at dress, posture and even sportsmanship. “Having good etiquette determines how people will perceive you,” she said.
And, she said, learning and displaying good manners can give a teen “a boost of self-confidence.”
Elizabeth Walker is a senior at Capital High School. Contact her at bethwalker110@gmail.com.