Adult is resentful of stingy parents
Dear Annie: I’m having a difficult time accepting my parents for what I perceive as stinginess. They are retired, upper-middle class (at least), have paid off their nice home and have money to travel. My dad grew up upper-middle class and so did mom.
My problem is that they have never been generous. They didn’t pay a cent for college for any of their five children. Hence, only two have a degree. They paid $3,000 to each of two daughters’ weddings and gave $5,000 to each child for the purchase of a house. That’s where it ends.
We were raised to be independent, and we are. However, I and a sibling have come on hard times at different times in the past, and they refused to help with monetary gifts unless it was a loan. They loaned me $5,000, which I paid off within two years, and my sister paid off a similar loan within a year.
They see their grandchildren (who are local) only on holidays or birthdays and never seek them out. Although the kids are well behaved, my parents never babysit.
They have told us that there won’t be an inheritance. I understand that they can do whatever they want with their money and time, but I’m so resentful. Each of us kids would never dream of asking for help from them, but as a single mom with no support from the dad, I struggle. Is there another way I can look at this so I’m not so resentful? — Feeling Guilty for Being Resentful
Dear Feeling Guilty: You have nothing to feel guilty about. We all dream of having perfect parents. You know, the ones who are totally unselfish and giving of all their time, money and love. The reality is that parents are people, too. They have their own faults and shortcomings, and therein lies your choice as an adult.
You can focus on all that you perceive they did wrong, and are still doing wrong, and feel very resentful and angry. Or you can accept (in this case, it does seem like a small amount) what they have to offer.
Dear Annie: A lot of people are complaining about robocalls. We live in rural Iowa and are members of a rural phone cooperative. They offer a solution that stops those kinds of calls. It costs us $3.50 more in addition to our regular phone bill per month. When a caller dials our number, they get a message that says: “The number you have reached does not accept calls from telemarketers. If you are a telemarketer, please add this number to your ‘do not call list’ and hang up now. If you are not a telemarketer, stay on the line or press 1. ”
Once a friendly caller presses 1 and gets connected to our number, the system remembers their number and they don’t have to do it again. This system has virtually stopped all of those annoying calls for us.
So, why don’t all other phone companies offer the same service? — No More Telemarketers
Dear No More Telemarketers: That’s a great question! Thanks for sharing this helpful service.