We are all New Mexicans

My name is Cecilia Diane Gonzales y Pacheco. I was born and raised in Santa Fe, and I have grown to be very proud of my diverse heritage and my rich culture that results from my deep New Mexico roots.

Over the past few weeks, I have had a mixture of feelings and emotions regarding current events, the removal of statues and the tensions I have observed between the various cultures and communities within our beautiful city of faith.

Being a native New Mexican, I find it hard to “pick a side” between what is right and what is wrong and know exactly what actions should be taken regarding the various statues of conquistadors that inhabit our city.

When I was in middle school, I struggled with a lot of identity issues regarding my culture and where I come from. I had a lot of Mexican immigrant friends, but I could never fully relate to their culture or their heritage because, technically, my family wasn’t from Mexico. We had lived in New Mexico since before it was part of the United States. In a sense, we didn’t cross the border, the border crossed us. I was in some sense an American by default, but didn’t fully relate to the American culture either. I was something else.

Over the years, as I learned more about New Mexico history and my own family’s history, I realized that culturally, I wasn’t Mexican, I wasn’t American, I wasn’t Native American and I wasn’t Spanish — I was New Mexican. A mix between diverse cultures, backgrounds and stories. A complex contradiction between being both the conquered and the conqueror, the colonized and the colonizer. My history and my heritage did not make sense without one “side” or the other.

That is why I have mixed feelings and, in some ways, painful emotions when it comes to recent events. I completely and wholeheartedly understand

why the Tewa and other Native populations in Northern New Mexico have feelings regarding the way history is portrayed. I, along with them, feel pain and outrage at some of the rhetoric surrounding our statues and monuments, regarding the Natives as “savages” and claiming the conquest of our land was “peaceful” when the truth is that it was not.

On the other hand, I also identify with my Spanish roots; with the beautiful and rich traditions we have inherited from that side of our history and how ingrained it has become as a part of who we are. Having those traditions being plowed over by white American leaders and community members who don’t have deep roots regarding that history and those traditions, feels just as painful and is reminder of the second time our land and our people were conquered. This time not by the Spaniards but by

American soldiers.

The complexity of being a New Mexican from New Mexico can be painful sometimes as our history was not always pretty nor peaceful, but it is and will always remain a part of who we are: A blended culture where both our Native and Spanish roots should be recognized and celebrated. The painful and not-so-pretty parts should be acknowledged and portrayed truthfully, but we should also be able to celebrate the beautiful parts of our cultures and come together in reconciliations and mutual understanding.

So my thoughts are this: Do not get rid of statues, but rather teach the correct history regarding them. Acknowledge the fact that although the Spanish conquistadors believed they were on a “noble” mission of spreading their faith, their methods were flawed and the Native people of New Mexico suffered because of it.

Acknowledge the fact that our ancestors were conquered not once but twice, and a lot of New Mexicans are a mix between blood and cultures. Because we were not fully accepted nor can fully identify with one culture or another, we created a culture and traditions of our own based on what we were taught to know. And acknowledge the fact that although our history is flawed, contradictory and complex, there is one common thread — the love we as New Mexicans have for our land, our culture and our heritage.

We must acknowledge these truths instead of ignoring or undoing them.

We are all New Mexicans, and this is our New Mexico.

Cecilia Pacheco has bachelor’s and master’s degrees from the University of New Mexico. She works at STC.UNM as an economic development and project specialist supporting entrepreneurs throughout New Mexico.