In-laws invite ex to Christmas
Dear Annie: My sister died in September, and I was really looking forward to spending an evening with her family during Christmas. I’d not really been close with her husband or children in the past, but it’s important to me to spend time with them now.
Well, apparently, my ex-husband has been invited to their house, along with his wife of three years. We divorced five years ago, after he verbally and emotionally abused me for 21 years. Admittedly, I left the marriage in a notso-great way, with the first person who told me I was beautiful.
This holiday situation has created a lot of tension between me and my children, and it’s heartbreaking. I will not go, because my ex will be there, and I just don’t want to see him. But I was wondering if you think what my brother-in-law, niece and nephew are doing is right. — Sitting It Out
Dear Sitting: I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. Let’s withhold judgment of her husband and children, who are also deep in grief.
What you are doing is right — because everyone should be sitting out holiday gatherings this year. Fortunately, even from afar, you can still get closer with your niece, nephew and brother-in-law, through video chats, phone calls or emails. It might take some time to break the ice, but keep chipping away. You will find pieces of your sister in one another.
Dear Annie: A few months ago I met a new guy friend, and we have been getting to know each other. However, I do not want a serious relationship with him, and I have informed him of that. I know that he likes me because he calls me “babe” and says things like, “I’m not going anywhere.”
So, we were texting one day, and he asked me if I wanted to go get ice cream. I said OK, but when we met up, he said he really didn’t feel like eating; he just wanted to see me. So we drove to my apartment building and sat in the parking lot. We talked for a few hours. Afterward, he told me in a text that he hopes I will be his girl someday. I know he means that he wants us to be together romantically, but I don’t want to date him because I don’t feel a physical attraction to him. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I don’t want to lead him on, either. In my defense, I already told him that we are friends and that’s all, nothing more. It seems to me that he is not taking no for an answer. Anyway, how do I tell him again gently that we are “just friends” without hurting his feelings so that we can actually remain friends? — Just Friends
Dear Just Friends: Sometimes a person can push past attraction to become platonic friends with a former crush. This isn’t one of those times. This man doesn’t want your friendship, and you don’t want his heart. The sooner you accept that you are at cross purposes and go your separate ways, the better for both of you.
And if you need any extra incentive not to see each other, then remember we’re in the middle of the pandemic.
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