Santa Fe New Mexican

Reader struggles to use a computer

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Dear Annie: I am 74 years old. Back in my 40s, I tried learning an up-and-coming new skill: how to use a computer. Well, my attempts were fruitless. I could never figure it out. My wife tried teaching me, but I just couldn’t get the hang of it. Later, my boss appointed a staff member (a computer “geek”) to give me lessons. After weeks of trying with daily one-on-one instructio­n, he gave up trying to teach me. For me, it was nothing but frustratio­n.

I seem to be an otherwise intelligen­t person. Fifty-three years ago, I even graduated college with honors. I did well with networking and keeping up with the latest news, until computers became ubiquitous.

I know dyslexia is a recognized learning disability that affects otherwise intelligen­t people who can’t learn to read. Do I have something like that — something that is a recognized learning disability? Am I the only one in the world with this problem?

— In a Quagmire Dear Quagmire: I have a feeling there are other people out there who have dealt with this problem, and I hope to hear from some of them. In the meantime, if this is causing you distress, ask your doctor to refer you to a specialist who can screen for cognitive disabiliti­es.

For what it’s worth, far too many of us are overly dependent on our computers and smartphone­s. I don’t mean to trivialize what you’ve gone through; I understand that it’s been enormously frustratin­g. But you’ve likely been more present for life than many of us.

Dear Annie: I am a 57-year-old divorced woman. I have a 31-yearold son who is dealing with serious health consequenc­es from neglecting his Type 1 diabetes for the past 10 years. My heart breaks for him. His health keeps declining. He will have to start dialysis soon.

He is extremely verbally abusive. This has been going on for about five years and seems to be getting worse. He throws tantrums, sometimes so intense that he ends up damaging things in the house.

I’m tired of dealing with this, and I fear it will just keep getting worse. He can’t afford to live on his own with just $800 monthly disability checks. I just can’t deal with this anymore, but I can’t afford to pay rent at a whole separate apartment for him.

Is it wrong for me to profession­ally convert my two-car garage to an apartment for him and make him live there?

— Worn-Down Mom Dear Worn-Down: If you’re asking whether it’s selfish of you to convert your garage into an apartment for your son — no, absolutely not. But it might be “wrong” for different reasons, in that it doesn’t go far enough in creating space between you two.

You need to set healthy boundaries with your son, for both of your sakes. It’s completely unacceptab­le for him to treat you so poorly. Also, it’s not healthy for him to be in an environmen­t where he can avoid the consequenc­es of his actions. I recommend reading Melody Beattie’s Codependen­t No More and attending some meetings of a support group such as Families Anonymous before deciding on your next move.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com. To find out more about Annie Lane and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonist­s, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www. creators.com.

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