Disagreement on college expenses

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Overall, I think we have a great marriage. All marriages have an area where they struggle, and ours is children.

We were both married previously, and all of our children are from our previous marriages. But we consider them “ours.” They still have relationships with the other parents, and for the most part, we get along with our exes. We can sit at kid functions together and chat without any animosity. But here’s the problem: paying for things for our children.

I am a successful professional with a few college degrees. I come from a humble background and had to pay for all of my own college — through scholarships, working my tail off and mostly loans. It was hard work, and I appreciate what I did to earn it. My husband is very successful and did not have to obtain a college education. He also came from a humble upbringing. He wants the kids to have more than he had as a child and does not want them to struggle.

We have a daughter who is in community college. Her mother expects us to pay half. While I feel we should contribute some, I expect our daughter to contribute. She is working part time, and I believe she needs to be responsible for part of her college expenses. We have provided her with a car. Her mother has provided insurance. If our daughter can afford to go to a salon every two weeks, then surely, she can learn to appropriately budget $500 to $1,000 a semester toward school.

Our oldest son is paying his student loans. Our second oldest did not go to college. The third son only went for one semester, and his tuition and other expenses were paid for out of his savings by his father. Our youngest daughter is still in high school. I expect her to also earn her way, as does her father. My husband gets very angry when we have these discussions and feels like I’m “picking” on HIS children. Should I just let it go and pay for all her college? — To Pay or Not to Pay?

Dear To Pay or Not to Pay?: Only you and your husband can decide whether to pay her college tuition. Allow him to do what he thinks is best for his own children and you will likely start to get along in this area. Education might be part of his divorce settlement, anyway. It really is none of your business if his daughter wants to go to the salon, and she should be allowed to keep some extra money for her own enjoyment. He should decide how much to pay for his children’s education, and you should do the same for your children’s education.

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