Taking responsibility for sex addiction

Dear Annie: My own experience tells me that your advice to Starving Wife may have overlooked another possibility.

I lived for years with what Starving Wife is experiencing. My sexual relationship began with my husband when he was 42 and I was 45. Our sexual relationship was good until we married three years later. Alas, he “just wasn’t interested anymore,” so he said. We went to counseling, and he lied to the counselor. He had his testosterone checked and it was normal.

After 15 years of living this hell, I learned that he was having sex with his secretary two times a week at lunch at her home. Her husband worked out of town. My husband was an executive vice president at a large company and a popular community volunteer, and I was a respected business owner. We both have college degrees. I learned this relationship with her had been happening for 20 years. It began seven years before I met him. Thus, during our courtship, he was having sex with both of us along with three other women. He no longer desired sex with me once we married because he was addicted to forbidden sex. Prior to learning of his relationship with his secretary, I sought counseling from a preacher who was also a registered family counselor. He told me that a healthy male that age is having sex, if not with me, then someone else. I didn’t believe it; I was dead wrong.

After I learned of his addiction, he without hesitation, received extensive counseling for his addiction. He beat the addiction. Today, years later, we have a good marriage including healthy sex.

— Healthy Sex Dear Healthy Sex: Thank you for sharing your letter; I hope it helps others who are in similar situations. I’m glad that you were able to work through things together and now have a marriage you are happy with. It’s important that your husband ultimately took responsibility for his actions and received counseling. If a cheating partner is unwilling to apologize and take the necessary steps to change, then I would always advise the other person to leave.

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