Try the Golden Rule in reverse
Everyone’s self-worth is based upon the definition of the term. Of course, everyone has their own. And how they feel about themselves — how a person calculates their own self-worth — is based upon how they compare themselves to that definition, be it reasonable or otherwise.
How far away are you from the “ideal” of self-worth?
How kind are you being to yourself ? Do you have mercy when it comes to judging yourself ? Do you compare your insides with other people’s outsides and claim that as proof that you’re just not as good as, smart as, pretty as, thin as, poor as, hungry as, desperate as, lonely as they are?
The problem becomes about a lack of imagination. It’s hard to imagine what genuine self-worth feels like. Even if you have plenty of it, do you even notice? Do you know your own definition of self-value? I would hazard a guess that genuine self-worth doesn’t look very egocentric. It would be a calm, comfortable existence, independent of others’ opinions other than to be loved and appreciated by those closest to them. Not merely indifferent independent to opinions, of them. What is it to be emotionalple’s opinion of you, good or bad? That you can celebrate the good as much as you are both comfortable and curious about the “bad.” To know dignity in the midst of a learning curve is to not internalize it. Let it be something to learn from. dent To is be not indepen- to be ignorant of others — exactly the opposite. It is to make the opinions of others more a point of observation and learning, rather than the authors of your official definition. It’s good to know what people think. It doesn’t mean you have to change who you are or be afraid to discover you might just want to. It’s all your decision. It’s your definition. You don’t need to do anything but evaluate your own self-worth. To whatever degree you have a handle on that, you can accomplish anything. Moreover you can confront any foe — imagined or otherwise — that tells you you cannot do something. Your mindfully considered self-worth will have already established the rules for confrontations such as these. You are worthy. You are. Your membership to the human race is not something that is reversible, transferable or shall ever expire, at least not until you do. But your membership to this one collective supersedes your worst actions, your best actions — even your death, rehen you are a permanent member of a village that has no restrictions on membership, the village cannot fail. Of course, it can stumble, it can struggle, but it can never completely fall. We are members of the human race. We are members of humanity. We are all one, whether we like it or not, whether it’s easy or not.
There is a bond amongst us. Invisible threads attaching the deepest parts of our beings together. A fail-safe system of unity that, despite our best efforts, we have so far been powerless to destroy. And because we are all equal on this deep, intrinsic level, there is no such thing as “unworthiness.” We are all either inherently worthy, or none of us is.
Most discussions regarding universal worth focus around how we treat others — that we should afford others the dignity and right to exist that we give ourselves. And we should. But the challenge then becomes about how much dignity we truly do afford ourselves. The inherent worth of others exists as high as a mountain and as deep as the ocean, but if you cannot see your own, how much of another’s can you expect to see? Which side of the binoculars are you looking through?
If we wish to help foster positive change in the world, we must see the human race as one where everybody truly belongs, where everyone has a right to exist, a right to thrive. And we cannot see the human race this way until we do ourselves the mercy of believing that to be true of us, too.
The Golden Rule exists throughout all of human culture. Christianity posits that we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Islam professes that no man has faith until they love for their brother what they love for themselves. Judaism begs us to love our neighbor as ourselves. And the list goes on.
The Golden Rule is something of a trick question. Can you guess what the trick is? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The clue is in the second part — as you would have them do unto you. So how would you have them do unto you? How do you want to be treated? Do you even know? Because you can say: I want to be treated well, but then go outside and smoke a cigarette. You can say: I wish to be healthy as you speak your fast-food order into the clown’s mouth.
I think the secret is to read the Golden Rule somewhat in reverse. For only then will you know the level of selfworth that is truly the bedrock foundation of seeing the worth of all people, indeed all life. Spend a little time looking deeply into that mirror, in particular. The rewards will be truly manifold.
Wil DArcAngelo, M. Div., is the minister At First PArish UU Church of Fitchburg And of First Church of Christ UnitAriAn in LAncAster. He is the producer of The UU VirtuAl Church of Fitchburg And LAncAster on YouTube And host of the Our Common DhArmA podcAst series. EmAil wildArcAngelo@gmAil.com. Follow him on Twitter @wildArcAngelo. His blog, Hopeful Thinking, cAn be found At www.hopefulthinkingworld.b logspot.com.