When you’re in the eye of the storm, relax
We might as well face it. Humans love drama. We spend millions to consume dramatic stories on film, television, and myriad other forms of media. We eat it like a last meal every day.
So much so, that we often unconsciously perpetuate drama in our own lives. Many seem to thrive on stirring the pot.
Pretty much all of us have a hard time not getting sucked into little dramas here and there among our friends, family and coworkers. We love to put our two cents in. We love to gossip. We love to talk smack about people. It’s like a drug.
It’s almost irresistible. We can all go easily find ourselves in the middle of a drama in which we had no place. That is, until we made one for ourselves by joining in and thus perpetuating it.
Many spiritual practices appear to emphasize a need to dispense with drama in our lives. It’s interpreted by some as a need to dispense with any unlikable people and live a de facto socially monastic existence.
It is not the point of the human experience to attempt to create walls and barriers around us, emotional or otherwise. It is the point of the human experience to be an instrument of peace within it.
It’s not about running away from drama either. Often it’s in our own household, workplace, church or school and so we can’t easily escape it. But you don’t have to escape it entirely. In fact, standing near enough to it has its potential value. But the first rule of engagement in this regard is: Don’t take it upon yourself, and don’t add to it. That method is a surprisingly effective tool of dispelling drama. Simply do not engage with it. Someone else can play tennis with you only insofar as you are willing to hit the ball back.
But you may take it even one step further as well. Your proximity to drama is a vantage point. You can actually insert peace and ease into the drama around you by simply loving those involved. Think to yourself how you can empathize with their feelings, even if you don’t understand it all. See their humanity and fear and send love to both.
This mindset creates a slight alteration in the way we engage with the people around us. That slight alteration can tip the scales over whether a conflict will escalate any further. Just by being a little bit more at peace than those around you can change the outcome.
This is not a cure-all, it’s a balm. It does not prevent us from making mistakes, or from making new drama while attempting to get rid of the old. It’s purpose is to soothe, to whatever degree possible, the tension and mistrust people have among one another. In the first place, by demonstrating trust, and in the second, by remaining calm, by being a non-anxious presence.
When the source of the drama is you, see it. End it. Take the higher road. Follow good rules of fighting: 1. No touching. 2. No namecalling. 3. Take a breath. 4. It will be OK. We would all be surprised to realize the small but significant opportunities we have to move forward with conflict in a productive and effective way.
Picture yourself as the eye of a hurricane. A place of stillness and calm, even as all rages around you. Hold that space. Remain neutral. The presence of your ease will affect the edges of the drama around you. And you won’t have to lift a finger for much of it. Though you will likely often have to bite your tongue — popsicles help.
Remaining neutral to drama is the lightest of all possible lifts to perform, as difficult as it may be to pick up. It requires nothing of us other than to let the Tasmanian devil spin. All you have to do is step out of the way of harm while sending love to the core of it. Only our attraction to drama stands in the way.
But the best of all benefits actually is yours. It’s just easier to live that way. It’s less work to just stay out of people’s business.
Which includes not judging them for it, by the way. Secretly harboring a side-eye for all the drama around you only gives off a condescending energy. You can’t be a balm to drama when aloof or judgmental.
But if you can manage to remain calm, assume that everyone involved has a reason for behaving as they do (even if not a particularly acceptable reason, though at least a human one), and only give advice when asked, your life will be far easier and far more manageable. And we could all use a bit more of that.
Wil Darcangelo, M. Div, is the minister at the First Parish UU Church of Fitchburg and of the First Church of Christ, Unitarian in Lancaster, and producer of The UU Virtual Church of Fitchburg and Lancaster on YouTube. Email wildarcangelo@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @wildarcangelo. His blog, Hopeful Thinking, can be found at www.hopefulthinkingworld.blogspot.com.