Her husband’s chronic procrastination is a pain
DEAR ANNIE: » I am an 18-yearold girl living very far from you, but I recently read one of your columns and thought you might be able to help me. I am doing really well in my academics and was just accepted by one of the best engineering institutions in our country.
Everyone around me is proud and happy. But something inside is pinching me.
I broke up with my boyfriend last year, whom I loved with the core of my heart. He was my classmate.
Eventually, he told me he loved me, too.
However, after four years of this shy love, we finally got into a relationship that created some of the happiest moments of my life. And his life, too.
But a year later, we found ourselves in a complicated situation and decided to separate. Both of us are depressed, and it’s been one year, and we are not able to move on. Neither of us wants to, yet I haven’t talked to him for a long time.
— Ms. Unforgettable
DEAR MS. UNFORGETTABLE: » It sounds like neither of you can forget each other and both of you would be much happier together. At the very least, it sounds worth giving the relationship a second try. Pick up the phone and call him. Life is too short to worry about “what ifs.” See if you can get back together. Best of luck to you.
DEAR ANNIE: » My husband is a chronic procrastinator. He puts off everything — from the small things, such as fixing a broken chair, to the really important stuff, such as making a will or getting a medical test. It’s hard to schedule anything because he always waits until the last minute to decide what he wants to do.
Sometimes, I just have to wait because he won’t be pushed to act or make a decision. Other times, I just have to act on my own. I’ve tried the gentle approach and the firm approach. Nothing works.
To be fair, he has a lot of good qualities. He is kind and loving, and he’s a great cook. I don’t expect perfection, but this problem affects not just me but whoever is waiting for an answer from him. That often involves friends and relatives, and it puts me in the middle. I realize that he may never change, but how do I live with this and achieve peace of mind?
— Tired of Waiting
DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: » People often procrastinate because they are afraid they won’t be able to complete the tasks at hand. Fear of failure promotes procrastination primarily when it reduces people’s sense of autonomy or when they feel incapable of dealing with a task that they’re afraid to fail at.
Don’t bail him out with friends and family who are waiting for an answer. Direct them to ask him again, and tell him and them that you are not his timekeeper. He will then have to deal with the ramifications of his procrastinations.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.