Not getting what I give ... family not very appreciative
DEAR ANNIE » I’ve always been the one who puts everyone first. I always do my best to make sure that when it’s my kids’ or husband’s birthday, I decorate the living room and dining room for them. I spend months searching for that special gift, finding that thing that they didn’t know they wanted. I make sure whatever I make for food that day is something the birthday person loves. I do everything that I can think of to make that person feel special.
Both of my stepsons are 16, and my husband and I have three children ages 10, 7 and 3. The kids don’t do much for birthdays or family celebrations, although I do try to get them as involved as they have the attention for.
Over my 48 years, I have figured out that a lot of people give what they’d like to get. I’ve tried to communicate this to my husband, but he just gets defensive and that starts an argument. On my birthday, I don’t get anything. No one gives me a present. Not even a handmade one. No one buys me a cake. If I want one, I have to go buy myself one. No one decorates the house for me. I also get nothing for Mother’s Day. I feel so unloved most of the time. How can I make everyone see that I’d like to get what I give?
— No One Special
DEAR NO ONE SPECIAL » It is ridiculous — and hurtful — that they don’t reciprocate. No birthday present? No Mother’s Day card or brunch or flowers? It’s possible that your husband simply expresses his love in different ways, but you need to have a long talk with him about how you feel. Tell him in a quiet way that your one-way street needs to become a two-lane highway.
If he gets defensive and argumentative, quietly remind him that you are going above and beyond to make him and your children feel special. And remind yourself that, despite their actions (or lack thereof), your efforts aren’t going unnoticed.
As Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”