Unsettled by friend’s mid-divorce behavior
DEAR ANNIE >> For three years, my husband and I got really close with another couple. But in the last year, our friend’s marriage hit a rough patch. She’s been acting different — bragging, being arrogant and talking a lot about meeting other guys.
Now she’s going through a divorce, and every time we talk, it’s all about the men she’s meeting and how great they are compared to her soon-to-be ex-husband. During her last visit, after a few drinks, she even showed us pictures of these guys.
I told her I don’t want to hear about it or see those pictures, but she keeps texting me with the same stuff. My husband says I shouldn’t be friends with her anymore, and I get why he feels that way.
I’m stuck and not sure what to do. The friend I used to have fun with is gone, and I’m wondering if it’s time to say goodbye to our friendship.
— Friendship Dilemma
DEAR FRIENDSHIP DILEMMA >> Dealing with a friend’s changing behavior during a divorce can be tough. It’s clear that your friend is going through a challenging time, and her coping mechanisms might not align with your values.
Consider having an open and honest conversation with your friend. Let her know how her behavior is impacting you and that you need some space. If she values the friendship, she may take your concerns to heart. But if the situation continues to be stressful, it might be necessary to distance yourself.
Friendships evolve, and sometimes it’s OK to outgrow them. Focus on nurturing relationships that bring positivity into your life.
DEAR ANNIE >> I am a grown man who happens to be bisexual, meaning I love both men and women, but I have this one problem. There’s a really good male friend of mine who has done a lot of good things for me and my family. I appreciate everything he’s done to help us. I wish I could come out of the closet to him, but I’m too worried that I might ruin whatever friendship we both have if I let him know about this. I worry that I might NOT be accepted for who I am.
What advice do you have for me about coming out to my friend?
— Cautious to Come Out
DEAR CAUTIOUS >> It’s completely understandable to feel apprehensive about having this conversation. But if your friend cares about and values your friendship as much as it sounds like he does, I am sure he’ll want nothing more than to support you. Your romantic preferences shouldn’t change the relationship you two share, and I hope he will agree. Take your time, and when you feel ready, share this with him. A true friend will appreciate your openness and allow this to deepen your friendship.
DEAR ANNIE >> Your answer to “Tired of Being Scared at Work and at Home” didn’t address the possibility that her co-worker may be on the autism spectrum and thus be unaware of the inappropriateness of his actions, such as standing too close and staring. She should contact the company’s HR department, so his behavior can be noted and corrected. He may be a scary creep, but I think it will be easier for her to discuss this with HR if she questions whether he is exhibiting behavior of a neurodivergent condition. Either way, it needs to stop. I do sympathize with her fears. Young women are often the target of unwanted attention. Best wishes to her.