Pizza pieces lead to a hankering
Maybe because it’s almost noon on a Friday, and I’m hungry. Or perhaps it’s because some of the online news sites have decided, for some strange reason, to bombard me with pizza stories lately. Am I being tracked by cyber pizza hackers? Who knows, but I can share with you some slices of what’s being tossed around.
Apparently a truck carrying a trailer load of DiGiorno and Tombstone frozen pizzas struck a bridge support on I-30 south of Little Rock this week. The messy combo of sauce, cheese, and various meat toppings shut down the westbound lane for several hours while crews cleared the table, I mean, road. I think a busload or two of high school students could have taken care of the problem more quickly. Remember, “It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno.”
Several years ago, my son was T-boned by a Mazzio’s delivery driver who decided he need not stop at a marked intersection because, well, you know, he had to deliver a pizza on time. He also had no auto insurance at the time, either. We eventually came to a settlement, but I now lament that we didn’t demand a lifetime supply of free food from Mazzio’s.
My son’s cell phone number is one digit off of a Mazzio’s in Oklahoma. He gets mis-dialed calls so frequently from customers that he goes ahead and takes their orders. Unfortunately for them, he doesn’t make or deliver their food. Dial carefully, pizza lovers!
Pizza has actually been around for centuries. Ancient Greeks had a flatbread flavored with toppings such as herbs, onions, and garlic. In the 6th century, Persian soldiers baked flatbreads with cheese and dates on top of their battle shields. Solar-powered pizza ovens that double as protection from swords and arrows! I think that tops microwave pizza.
Naples, Italy, actually used the term “pizza” for a flatbread with toppings all the way back in the 16th century. It was also considered poor people’s food. Pizza has come a long way, baby! But I guess the biggest shocker in pizza news is that for the bargain price of $10,000 you too can wear your very own pizza bikini! No, not just a bikini with a picture of pizza on it, but one made from actual dough, cheese sauce, and your choice of toppings. Advertised as “the world’s most mouth-watering bikini,” the special suit was made to honor National Bikini Day (July 5; men, mark that day in your calendar). But it’s too late to get one this year as it was made only for that special day. We can only hope it will be available next year, so gals, start saving your pennies and surprise your special someone by wearing a gastronomical delight. I can go no further with any other comments on this cheesy outfit. This is a family-oriented column, after all.
Wow, am I hungry! I think a trip to Guido’s in Tontitown is in the works.