What is normal?

I miss the Norman Rockwell days, images of the family having Thanksgiving dinner. Shameful things are now portrayed on TV about sex and abuse. Why is this erupting now? I think sins sowed into society are ripening. We’ve removed ancient boundaries and ignored sacred guidelines. We’ve disrespected God by saying, “Get out of our classrooms.” “Get out of our families.” Chaos and indulgence reigns.

As a boy, I grew up in Florida in the fifties. All my friends had fathers. They weren’t perfect dads. But everyone had two parents; a man and woman. In my family, if we disrespected mom, we got paddled when dad came home. We thought it was normal that kids honored their parents, obeyed teachers and respected policemen. Respect produced decent social order. Things were normal then.

I told my kids, “Your mother was my wife before you ever came along. She’ll be my wife after you’re gone. You will NOT make her life miserable! Do you understand me?” I insisted on respect.

Back in those days, if you got in trouble at school, you were in trouble at home. Parents sided with the teacher, not with their child. Today, the kids’ mom will go to school, yell at the teacher, and threaten to sue. “You hurt my baby’s feelings!” Yeah, right! What should really hurt is the kid’s backside.

Life works best when it includes relational accountability. This is a biblical lifestyle. Everyone ought to be respectful of someone in charge: at home, in church, in civil society. Years ago, I wrote, “Sin makes you stupid.” I should say, “persistent sin.” Misbehavior, disrespect, bad conduct: they have consequences. I also say, “If there were no heaven or hell, I would follow Jesus. There is no better way to live!”

Young people, if not corrected and trained, can easily get in the habit of bad beliefs, poor judgment, and lawless behavior. Curing rebellion requires a father’s stern discipline. If not, harsh punishment by a judge awaits. As a father raising kids, disrespect toward me or their mother was more serious than disobedience. I didn’t even mind disagreement. I wanted my kids to know how to think. Their disobedience may have been my fault. Perhaps I was holding my child accountable for something I had not yet trained them to do. As their parent, I was ultimately responsible for my children.

There are two ways to grow up: with a father training you, or, with the law punishing you.

While a dad’s discipline may be tough, it is usually motivated by love. As for the law, it doesn’t have compassion. It just wants to get transgressors and criminals off the streets where they can do no harm. When the law jumps in, it’s evidence that parents have failed their child. A friend of ours in college was Dr. V.C. Miller, a professor who taught science at Southeastern University. His degree was in early childhood psychology. He said, “There is no such thing as delinquent children; only delinquent parents.”

Even if you weren’t raised by a father in a family, you still must behave as a responsible adult. If you’ve learned respect, life works well. For rebels, misfits, or criminals… this is where the law comes in.

The Bible values fathering. Fathers keep us balanced, normal, able to fit into society. Parents are not interchangeable parts. The gospel is more than going to heaven. The good news of the kingdom brings us into relationship with our Heavenly Father and with each other. Christ wants to connect us into community where fatherhood (in families and in church leaders) is modeled and honored.

— Ron Wood is a writer and minister. Contact him at wood.stone.ron@gmail.com or visit www.touchedbygrace.org. The opinions expressed are those of the author.