Elderly woman defends right to drink

Dear Amy: I’m 88 years old. I live alone.

Can family members restrict an 88-year-old widowed mother’s wine consumption, just because a doctor says it might cause a liver problem some day?

I have never had a car accident.

I prefer not to drive but I do drive a little, to pick up groceries.

Should I see a lawyer? — Upset

Dear Upset: You have the legal right to harm yourself with alcohol use, although dying of liver disease is exceptionally painful.

You don’t say how your family members know how much wine you consume, or how they might be able to actively or effectively restrict the amount of wine you drink each day. Maybe they help take out your recycling and notice the number of empties, or call or visit you at night and notice that you are impaired. Perhaps you are asking them to pick up wine for you. They have the right to refuse to do this

My take is that — unless your family members are exceptionally controlling — your drinking has caused problems for them. I’m going to assume that they are not overly controlling, because you live alone and still drive. (If they were overly controlling, they would try to control many other aspects of your life, other than just your drinking.)

I assume that they are worried about your health and safety.

In addition to possible liver damage, alcohol use actually disrupts a person’s sleep patterns. It is a depressant. Alcohol could interact with medication you are taking. Alcohol use also inhibits your balance and significantly increases your risk of falling.

Generally, when people get defensive about their drinking, it is because they are pushing back against the possibility of admitting to having a problem.

If your kids asked me,

I’d suggest that they attend Al-anon meetings (alanon.org) as a way to manage their stress over your drinking. Perhaps you could pass this suggestion along to them.

Readers can send email to askamy@ amydickinson.com or letters to “Ask Amy” P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.