Tired senior needs a little self-care

Dear Amy: My husband and I belong to a service club. He joined well before I did.

I realized I would have been happier to just stay on the sidelines, but I hung in there because it was important to my husband for us to do things together.

I served in various capacities in our club and spent years in executive positions. I have been doing this for 10 years. The last few meetings I attended were especially unpleasant.

I told my husband I am thinking of resigning as a member. He was initially understanding, but then he got upset and threatened to also resign if I did.

In reality we never do much of anything separately, and it is sometimes stifling.

Before we retired, he was a member of this service club by himself. We are also members of one other club. We also travel together.

I just want to reduce stress and unpleasantness as much as I can. My health is not the best, I have serious family obligations and want to look after myself.

Am I really being selfish? — Stressed Out

Dear Stressed: This reminds me of the old joke: A couple is asked how often they have sex. The husband says, “Almost never — like once a week!,” while the wife says, “All the time — like once a week!” You two have different perceptions of “togetherness.”

Your husband seems to be adept at getting his needs met. You? Not so much.

Many women who have given so much to spouses and children face the challenge of how to cope when they decide to stop giving it all away.

No, you are not being selfish. You should draw the line wherever you want to, and your husband will have to adjust. You are not responsible for his feelings, or his behavior.

Carving out a few afternoons on your own at the library, the gym or sitting by yourself will revive you, be good for your health and will likely be good for your relationship.