Can announcements still be sent if a grad ceremony wasn’t held?

Miss Manners

My daughter is a high school senior who graduated this year. However, due to the coronavirus, there was no graduation ceremony.

At the beginning of the school year, we ordered graduation announcements that stated the originally scheduled location, date and time of the ceremony. My daughter thinks it’s “stupid” to send them out, since graduation did not happen.

While the ceremony was canceled, my daughter’s graduation is a milestone for her, and I would like to mail the announcements to family and close friends. Is it OK to mail the announcements even though the details regarding the ceremony no longer apply?

Your daughter has learned something in addition to her high school studies. It is indeed strange and misleading — “stupid” is a bit harsh — to announce a ceremony that has not taken place. And it is especially tactless to do so over the objections of the person most concerned.

Yes, Miss Manners understands that you are proud of your daughter’s achievement. There are ample ways for you to mention it to everyone whom you believe will be interested without using announcements that would prompt them to think, “So they held a graduation after all? That was foolhardy. I just hope they’re all OK.”

I am expecting my first child in

August. What to do about the baby shower? I’m disappointed to miss the chance to gather with our friends and family, and like many couples we would greatly appreciate gifts.

I have seen “virtual” or “remote” showers suggested. One forum even recommended a drive-by shower, where people drop off gifts in the driveway while the couple sit in lawn chairs and wave, like some sort of feudal lord and lady gathering tributes from their subjects!

To me, a baby shower should be an opportunity to celebrate with friends and family, and should include food, drink, entertainment, party favors, conversation and togetherness. Gifts are an optional yet nonnegligible “bonus” of the event. Without the party, a registry seems a purely materialistic grab.

On the other hand, if it were a friend having a baby in this uncertain time, I would eagerly contribute a gift and be the first in the tribute driveby!

What would Miss Manners do?

Aside from not planning her own shower? And aside from reacting in horror, as you do, to the idea of presiding at a sort of viewing stand for the purpose of collecting tributes?

She would be happily anticipating the birth of the baby, secure in the knowledge that friends and family will be even happier to celebrate after that event (and perhaps to bring those keepsakes-tobe).

It should not matter that this will not take the form of a shower. If, by then, people are still not able to pay the customary first visit to a new baby, surely you will want to have virtual visits with them.