Doting neighbor’s flirtation needs to be discouraged

Miss Manners

I am friendly with a neighbor in my building. I have helped him on a couple of occasions, giving him referrals to get help with legal matters, and he has helped me twice with moving heavy furniture.

I’m not interested in this man, other than to be neighborly. I am not quite sure about his intentions, and I’m trying my best to take him at his word that he’s interested only in being a friend.

However, lately, when he texts me, he says things like “Hello beautiful,” “Hi, pretty one,” etc., which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

During the first part of the pandemic, he called me with a legal question, and somehow the conversation diverted to religion, since he expressed interest in the church I attend. He has also suggested that we go out for dinner once the quarantine is over (or “over” to the extent that we can do so safely), to which I managed to reply, “Maybe one day.”

That’s my way of saying “no.”

What is the polite way to respond to these “niceties”? I feel disrespected when he calls me “My beautiful,” which he only seems to do when texting. Fortunately, I’ve only run into him once lately. But I don’t know how to respond.

Men in love, or moving in that direction, do not hear “no” when told “maybe.”

It would be facile, not to mention unfair, to say they always hear “yes.” They may just hear what you actually said, which obscures the certainty in your heart.

Miss Manners hears that you do not like to say no. Few people do. But characterizing his awkward attempts at flirtation as disrespectful is not going to criminalize his actions or absolve you from clarifying your position.

Whether this is done in plain English or vague phrases is up to you. Miss Manners suggests something along the lines of, “Thank you, but I’m afraid that will not be possible; I have other commitments.”

Whether such commitments are to another gentleman or simply to your own preferences need not be stated.

I live on a short cul-de-sac that is nestled within a larger neighborhood. My husband and I take walks several times a day.

During many of our evening walks, we see a young family with two children: One is in a stroller, and the other is about 4 or 5. On several occasions, we have walked down the cul-de-sac to our home to find this couple and their child playing basketball at the mobile hoop that is set up on the street. These people do not live on this street and, to my knowledge, are not friendly with anyone who does. Am I being irritated for no reason, or is this rude behavior?

Strike up a conversation — then they will no longer be strangers. In the current climate, Miss Manners is inclined to be indulgent about sharing even semi-public facilities, when options are so limited. As long as the family is respectful of the equipment and cleans up after themselves, it would be kind to let them use it without fuss. If it becomes the site for a birthday party or family reunion, however, you may politely step in and inform them that it is private property.