Are there rules for a reporter leaving a meeting early?

Dear Miss Manners: I am a business reporter for a local newspaper. I was informed that one of our local larger businesses was having a staff meeting to discuss major changes, so I decided to attend.

It took place in a large auditorium and there were about 500 people in attendance. I sat in the back row and took notes. About 20 minutes into the meeting, I had enough material, so I got up to leave.

The president of the company, who was speaking at the time, apparently mistook me for one of his employees because he shouted at me, in an angry tone of voice, “Hey you! Sit down! We’re not done yet!” I ignored him and just kept walking.

Granted, I had not been invited to the meeting, though the company made no effort to keep outsiders out, either. But ignoring that aspect of it, what would have been the appropriate response on my part? Should I have ignored him as I did, or should I have said something? And if so, what?

Gentle reader: No doubt the most satisfying solution would have been to say, “Thank you. I’m actually a local reporter and I have everything that I need,” before running for the door. It would certainly have given the company president pause.

But that only works if you are yourself innocent of any wrongdoing. A reputable reporter is expected to identify as such to the people he or she is covering — unless the information to be obtained is accessible to the general public. When throwing a dinner party, Miss Manners may forget to lock the door each time a guest arrives. But that is not an open invitation to the neighbors.

Dear Miss Manners:

I sent my godson a card with a gift of money for his 17th birthday. He never contacted me to say thank you. His mom (my very good friend) called me about two weeks after his birthday just to talk and, during the conversation, thanked me for the gift of money.

This is not the first time this has happened, and I get upset each time. He, not his mom, should call me or send me a written thank-you. I feel it is the parent’s responsibility to teach their children this basic concept, but my friend hasn’t and it bothers me

How do I approach wanting a thank-you from him, and not his mom, without offending my friend? He is a great kid and very well-mannered; however, I feel he is old enough to thank me himself.

Gentle reader: You approach him. Understandably, you do not want a surrogate to respond to your present, so do not use that surrogate to register your complaint.

“Caleb, dear,” you say, “your mother told me that you got my check. But you’ve never told me if it was welcome. If I don’t get any direct feedback from you, I have no way of knowing whether you were pleased.”

Miss Manners suggests the use of the word “feedback,” because it is so familiar from social media. She trusts you are aware of

the latent threat there.

Dear Miss Manners: I was asked by a friend to be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding! She and I are both wondering, however, how to handle breaking this news to others in our friend circle who are not included in the small wedding party (and who are attending the wedding). I’m hoping you can recommend suggestions for phrasing and timing, as it will eventually become evident.

Gentle reader: There is no kind way to say, “Sorry, you just aren’t special enough of a friend to stand up at my wedding.” As you said, it will become evident — and if it is a small wedding party, the ranking and reasoning for it will be implied.

Allowing the others to accept the oversight graciously (i.e., hearing by word of mouth and without a formal decree) is the only way to handle it. Any hurt feelings will likely be pacified when the others realize the financial pressure and duties that they have narrowly escaped. Miss Manners suggests you do them the added favor of not suggesting that they contribute anyway.

Dear Miss Manners: Is it polite to tell someone that their book has a typographical error?

Gentle reader: Only when the book is being prepared for a second edition. Or if the first edition was so small the author can easily do hand corrections in each copy.