Trustworthy handyman can’t do it all — at least not well

We have a handyman, George, whom we have used for several years. He was originally recommended to us by a close friend, and a small group of us keep him pretty busy.

My husband and I have come to rely on George as a reliable and trustworthy helper, as we have aged out of doing many tasks ourselves, and we pay him generously. We have also learned George’s strengths and weaknesses: For instance, he is a terrible painter and a so-so landscaper, but a great plumber and a good electrician.

On two occasions, different neighbors have approached George when he is outside our house and inquired as to his availability to do jobs for them. I feel that this is 1. somewhat rude and 2. potentially unwise. Instead, I think that they should ask my husband and I whether we mind their “poaching” our employee. If they are wise, they should also ask our opinion of his skills.

I might add that on both occasions, the neighbors hired him and were disappointed by the painting work he did for them, which resulted in minor disputes over what he charged them. Am I wrong to think that a neighbor should do us the courtesy of asking before trying to hire our handyman?

Your neighbors are properly barred from helping themselves to time you are paying for. Time for which you are not paying still belongs to George.

In theory, this means that asking a gardener for his card while you walk by him seeding the lawn is acceptable, if the exchange is quick. In practice, such requests usually lead to a longer discussion, which, if visible to George’s current employer, will be resented if he is being paid by the hour.

For that reason — and to avoid the subsequent problem with George’s painting skills — your neighbor would have been smarter to come to you for a recommendation. But you were saved the discomfort of admitting that George forgets to paint the wall behind the couch — and afforded the revenge, without looking too ungracious, of pointing out that you could have saved them some trouble.

I have followed always your guidance that I should say “Congratulations” to bridegrooms and “Best wishes” to brides.

However, I was recently in a meeting with a colleague who said she had been recently married. (She brought up the subject to explain that her name was changing.) I said “Best wishes,” but it felt awkward.

My first thought was that the tradition carries a vague sense of condescension based on the fact that she is a woman, and perhaps the tradition is no longer as charming as it once was.

My second thought was that perhaps I shouldn’t even say something as perfunctory as “Best wishes” to someone I know professionally, rather than personally. (I was not, after all, a guest at the wedding.) Can you kindly help me resolve my feeling of being incorrect?

First, Miss

Manners must thank you for being probably the only person in the world besides herself who makes this distinction. Her own fondness for it is because the condescension is in the other direction: It was based on the idea that the bridegroom is to be congratulated on his good fortune, but that the bride IS that good fortune, and therefore should only be wished well.

But even without the gender factor, why do you consider it perfunctory to wish anyone well? Perhaps it has become devalued now that many use “Best wishes,” or just “Best,” instead of “Yours sincerely” or “Yours truly” to close letters.

You could bolster it by grabbing the bride’s hands and saying, “I wish you all the happiness in the world,” but perhaps that is not perfunctory enough — especially if others are behind you, waiting to congratulate her.

A friend of ours did us a small kindness. When we thanked her, she replied, “God told me to.”

In the moment, I interpreted it as pretty close to “I wouldn’t have done it, but my boss made me,” and I was frozen into an awkward silence. In retrospect, I know she didn’t mean it unkindly. But I can’t think of what I should have properly said in response.

“Please thank Him for me.” Or Her, if you prefer.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.