This ‘dinosaur’ does not care for advent of text messaging

Dear Miss Manners:

One of the worst technological “advances” has been the advent of text messaging. The expectation with this disease is that everyone is always poised to respond to any inane writing, and if they do not do so immediately, “something is wrong.” People sit with their smartphones in the expectation that they will receive something and must respond.

There are very few situations that require instant responses, and most of those can be reconciled with a dialed call. The rest can be handled with an email — or even a written letter (there’s a concept!).

I am a dinosaur. I have a flip phone that does not send texts (because I refuse to use that feature), but does receive alerts from our bank or police department. We have a landline with an answering machine attached, which does not accept texts.

We tell all our friends, family, neighbors and acquaintances that we do not text, and we do not answer the phone during meals. We do not consider this attitude rude because we have set expectations. It’s really a shame that “instant” communication has become an acceptable/ required behavior because there is no real reason for it.

Gentle reader:

There is a phrase Miss Manners would like everyone to learn, in the hope that it would lessen the type of annoyance you express: “The best way to reach me is ...” People who are welded to their phones may no longer use the telephone function. Many no longer use email. You won’t use texting. And almost nobody except Miss Manners writes letters.

Is there any wonder that people seem to have problems communicating with one another? Although, considering the tone of current discourse, perhaps things would be worse if everyone could get through.

Dear Miss Manners:

About three years ago, I began a relationship with a man I am head-over-heels in love with, and we have been living together for two years.

Early in our relationship, my “best friend” (we have been like family for half of our lives) heard some gossip about my man, believed it totally for the truth, and completely changed her attitude toward him. She refused to tell me what was said about him or who said it, only that when the relationship failed, she would be there for me.

Shortly afterward, I learned from someone else what was said and who said it: a well-known liar and gossipmonger who had taken tidbits of truth and added a great deal of untruth and speculation. I could not believe my friend would even listen to someone with such a reputation for deviousness, first of all, and secondly that she didn’t have my back.

Needless to say, our friendship has become cold and distant. I have attempted to restore the friendship by extending invitations (which are not accepted) and engaging in positive, hopeful conversation about my life (which is shut down).

My boyfriend proposed a few months ago and gave me a beautiful diamond that she has yet to acknowledge. Her only statement to me about my engagement was, “I just want you to be happy.”

We are beginning to make plans for our wedding. Should I send her an invitation?

Gentle reader:

Because a wedding is a major life event, determinations about whom to invite should take a medium- to long-term view of each individual’s status.

Siblings we squabbled with and hung up on last week are still invited. Siblings we broke ties with decades ago over their treatment of Father’s third wife are likely not. Friends with whom we were, recently, on intimate terms are still considered to be so, even if we no longer see each other every week.

You, not Miss Manners, will have to determine whether the person in question is still a friend, or whether the air quotes indicate a permanent change of status.

Dear Miss Manners:

Is there a specific way to present a teardrop diamond engagement ring in the box when proposing?

Gentle reader:

This may be one of Miss Manners’ all-time favorite questions, presuming, as it does, that there is a right way and a wrong way to do everything. She is game.

Presumably you are asking whether the pointed or the rounded part should face the lady. Miss Manners chooses the round part. The diamond will look bigger that way. Plus, it is rude to point.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.