Don’t do these things to your employees

ery few people seem to enjoy annual performance reviews, but we dutifully do them because, well, we have no choice. This is the time of year when many offices prepare for the evaluation process, so it’s a great time to share some responses I received from many readers when I previously wrote about performance appraisals.

Here is a collection of awful evaluation experiences shared by employees. Enjoy, and never do any of these things if you are a manager.

The surprise complaint

“There was a statement about a complaint made about me a while ago. I’d never heard about it. I asked my boss why she never told me about it, and she said ... she didn’t put much stock in that person and had problems with them making complaints about her, too. Yet still, she wrote it on my appraisal.”

Biased against numbers

“I was told I had far too much biased language in my analysis reports. I asked for examples. Was told to ‘go back and read through them and you’ll see what I mean.’ I wrote one report that whole year. It was all financial figures and dates. But, yes, if I’m being truthful, I’ve always hated the number nine. I just didn't realize how much it showed.”

Make up your mind

“Some of my female co-workers used to joke with me about getting ‘you need to be more direct’ and ‘you need to be less direct’ on alternating year’s evaluations because one can’t be appropriately assertive and still be unthreateningly demure in some offices.”

Just figure it out on your own

“I had a review from a boss who subscribed to the theory that all reviews must have at least some bad things in them, and I was told I didn’t answer the phone right because I identified myself as soon as I picked it up. And a flat refusal to tell me how I should answer it.”

Too nice

“I was told I was ‘too polite’ in my interactions with others. When I asked for an example of how I could improve, I was told to ‘say please and thank you less often.’ It was another long year before I could get out of that job.”

Too smart

“I was told I ‘use big words that make people feel stupid.’ When I asked for an example, my boss could not give me any. When I asked who had said this, my boss would not say. A co-worker laughed at this story and said our boss was talking about himself.”

How dare you use your vacation

“A former supervisor cited ‘attendance issues’ on my performance review because I used my vacation time in small increments (half day here, full day there). I never missed meetings or deadlines and was available by phone or text 24/7. There’s a place on the form for a rebuttal, so I wrote, ‘If my supervisor had any problems with my use of vacation time/attendance, the time to bring it up was when signing my time sheet every other week.’”

Bad at using paperclips

“My review included the fact that I had to be taught how to paperclip pieces of paper together correctly. I am not kidding. At this company, you had to put the larger loop of the paperclip in the front and the smaller loop in the back. The person who told me this was astonished that I did not already know this. And that’s why it was on my review; I should have known this vital office skill before going to work there. Ever since quitting that job, I have been the world’s most random paperclipper.”

Bad at thumbtack placement

“I got a lower-than-average rating for initiative, with the criticism that I take some initiative. This was from a micromanaging boss who ... corrected my thumbtack positioning on a piece of paper hung on a bulletin board and DREW ME A DIAGRAM of optimal thumbtack placement.”

Drama creator

“I was dinged on a performance review for ‘causing too much drama.’ The drama? Reporting and investigating discrimination and harassment claims by employees who had a legitimate reason to say something.”

Speaks to people

“I was told that I should not speak to employees. How does that work when you are ... the only HR personnel?! ... The management team, or should I say “boys club,” were disgruntled with employees coming to me complaining about their leadership tactics ... sexual harassment, abusive, demeaning acts.”

I’ll just leave this right here

“I once found my performance evaluation simply left on my chair. No discussion or meeting set to discuss. I had to request a meeting with my boss, the HR director, to discuss my own performance evaluation. Oh, and in that meeting, I had to request that she not refer to me as ‘little Ms. Snickerdoodle’ (a play on my maiden name) any longer, but most particularly at meetings . ... True story.”

Suzanne Lucas is a freelance writer who spent 10 years in corporate human resources.