What to say after handyman recommendation goes awry

Dear Miss Manners: A while back, a friend asked me for a recommendation for a handyman, which I obliged. Apparently, she and the handyman spoke about a number of things to be fixed, but he only fixed a few.

I came to find out that the handyman sawother items that needed to be fixed, and did so without asking. My friend became quite upset and refused to pay for these additional items, one being a sink that he claimswas in terrible condition. Apparently they went back and forth, and the handyman asked only to be paid for the materials used and not labor.

At this point, I became aware of the situation. I commented to her that although he overstepped a bit, hewas being helpful and should be fully paid— especially since shewas enjoying the fruits of his labor. She said shewould think about it.

We never spoke of this again, but I then hired this man again for a small job and found out that she had refused to pay him. Iwas uncomfortable with him, and nowher. Should I say something tomy friend?

Gentle reader: Let us review business etiquette. The customer determines what she will buy. By altering something hewas not asked to touch, the handyman committed an ethical breach. That cancels out any genuine concern he may have felt about the sink— concern thatwas already suspect, since he expected financial gain for fixing it.

There is no requirement that your friend pay the handyman for his unsolicited time or expense. But there is also no prohibition against her doing so if a list of conditions is met: that, in retrospect, your friend is happy that the sinkwas done; that theworkwas donewell; and that she believes the handyman’s intentionswere pure.

Dear Miss Manners:

Whenmy boyfriend and I sit out on his patio with his 34-year-old son, the son spits incessantly. He doesn’t do this inside, only whenwe are outside on the patio. When he’s talking outdoors, he spits just about every time he takes a breath.

I ama little disgusted with this habit. I’ve also noticed it with other men throughoutmy life.

Do you knowwhy some men spit like this? I hope I learn to ignore it, but if it ever gets to be too much for me, do you have any suggestions for addressing this habit? I’m afraid that someday, he’ll catch me in abad mood and I’ll end up snapping at him.

Gentle reader: What about screaming? Not at him, perhaps, but at the sight of a glob of saliva being propelled from his mouth? That should not be difficult.

MissManners does not understandwhy anyone would feel entitled to spit in front of others. Evidently it is not a medical issue, as it occurs only outdoors, so she hardly sees the point in ascertainingwhy— the answer will likely prove just as awful and even more graphic.

With the current added dangers of being in proximity to another person’s emissions, however, one hopes the practice will become more rare— and that hiswearing a mask will help to protect you. As added incentive, your own mask might also stifle those screams.

One ofmy dinner guests, after eating chicken piccata, rice, broccoli and salad, stated: “I couldn’t eat here every night or Iwould gain so muchweight!” I said, “I don’t think so,” and he stated, “I’m justmaking conversation.” What do you think?

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: That he is not likely to make such a remark again. Oneway to stop a careless remark is to take it at face value. But you and MissManners both knowthat what your guest meantwas not that your food is fattening, but that it is so good that he would not be able to control himself. So don’t be too hard on him.

Dear Miss Manners:

Is

there a protocol that should be followed when new neighbors move in, either for the new residents or the old ones? Is one party responsible for going over and introducing themselves?

Gentle reader: Typically the established residents are the ones to initiate contact, but MissManners thinks that whoever gets there first, alsoworks. The real point of the neighborly introduction is to provide reasonable assurance that neither party will be a future nuisance. A first impression that includes a warmwelcome and a platter of baked goods is therefore infinitely preferable to a noisy party or lawn mower.

To send a question to the MissManners team of JudithMartin, Nicholas IvorMartin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o UniversalUclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO64106.