Are there rules for a reporter leaving a meeting early?

DearMissManners: I ama business reporter for a local newspaper. Iwas informed that one of our local larger businesseswas having a staffmeeting to discuss major changes, so I decided to attend.

It took place in a large auditorium and therewere about 500 people in attendance. I sat in the back row and took notes. About 20 minutes into the meeting, I had enough material, so I got up to leave.

The president of the company, whowas speaking at the time, apparently mistookme for one of his employees because he shouted atme, in an angry tone of voice, “Hey you! Sit down! We’re not done yet!” I ignored him and just kept walking.

Granted, I had not been invited to the meeting, though the company made no effort to keep outsiders out, either. But ignoring that aspect of it, whatwould have been the appropriate response on my part? Should I have ignored him as I did, or should I have said something? And if so, what?

Gentle reader: No doubt the most satisfying solutionwould have been to say, “Thank you. I’m actually a local reporter and I have everything that I need,” before running for the door. Itwould certainly have given the company president pause.

But that onlyworks if you are yourself innocent of anywrongdoing. Areputable reporter is expected to identify as such to the people he or she is covering— unless the information to be obtained is accessible to the general public. When throwing a dinner party, MissManners may forget to lock the door each time a guest arrives. But that is not an open invitation to the neighbors.

DearMissManners:

I sentmy godson a card with a gift of money for his 17th birthday. He never contactedmeto say thank you. Hismom(my very good friend) calledme about twoweeks after his birthday just to talk and, during the conversation, thankedmefor the gift of money.

This is not the first time this has happened, and I get upset each time. He, not hismom, should call meor sendmea written thank-you. I feel it is the parent’s responsibility to teach their children this basic concept, butmy friend hasn’t and it bothers me

Howdo I approach wanting a thank-you fromhim, and not his mom, without offending my friend? He is a great kid and verywell-mannered; however, I feel he is old enough to thankme himself.

You approach him. Understandably, you do notwant a surrogate to respond to your present, so do not use that surrogate to register your complaint.

“Caleb, dear,” you say, “your mother toldmethat you gotmy check. But you’ve never toldmeif it waswelcome. If I don’t get any direct feedback fromyou, I have noway of knowing whether you were pleased.”

MissManners suggests the use of theword “feedback,” because it is so familiar fromsocial media. She trusts you are aware of

Gentlereader:

the latent threat there.

I was asked by a friend to be a bridesmaid at her upcomingwedding! She and I are bothwondering, however, howto handle breaking this news to others in our friend circle whoare not included in the smallwedding party (andwhoare attending the wedding). I’m hoping you can recommendsuggestions for phrasing and timing, as it will eventually become evident.

DearMissManners:

Gentlereader: There is no kindway to say, “Sorry, you just aren’t special enough of a friend to stand up atmywedding.” As you said, it will become evident— and if it is a small wedding party, the ranking and reasoning for it will be implied.

Allowing the others to accept the oversight graciously (i.e., hearing by word of mouth and without a formal decree) is the onlyway to handle it. Any hurt feelings will likely be pacifiedwhen the others realize the financial pressure and duties that they have narrowly escaped. MissManners suggests you do themthe added favor of not suggesting that they contribute anyway.

DearMissManners: Is it polite to tell someone that their book has a typographical error?

Gentlereader: Only when the book is being prepared for a second edition. Or if the first editionwas so small the author can easily do hand corrections in each copy.

To send a question to the MissManners team of JudithMartin, Nicholas IvorMartin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.