Wedding will be smaller, more personal — not a bad thing

Dear Miss Manners:

What is the proper way to “invite” people to a formal event that has been converted to a virtual one in light of the pandemic?

I find myself stuck with two simultaneous feelings: the first being that a digital invite is not appropriate for some events (such as a wedding), and the other being that sending a gilded cardstock invitation with RSVP instructions is ostentatious when one is only offering a livestream, not actual hospitality.

I would not be miffed by receiving such an invite, as I would never begrudge a couple wanting to stick to tradition despite unusual circumstances, but I find myself unsure of sending one. Should the cards themselves just be in a simpler style than one might have used otherwise?

Additionally, what does one put in a wedding invitation now? Would it be acceptable to print invitations with viewing instructions and URLs? Should this be a separate card in the invitation, and if so, then what information goes on the main one? Is everyone invited to view online considered to have been invited to the event?

Gentle reader: What you have done is to convert a formal wedding into an informal one, which also has its traditions, and the invitations should reflect that.

Miss Manners hopes you are not disappointed. To her mind, these altered weddings achieve what couples always claim they want: Couples say a great deal about wanting their wedding to be personalized and memorable, and then produce the same bloated routine as nearly every other wedding. These recent backyard ceremonies, attended by only the closest intimates, surely seem more personalized and memorable to those who are able to watch from afar — even if they weren’t given party favors.

Dear Miss Manners: I love to cook and bake, and am told I’m quite good at it. My husband, who means well but is completely oblivious to common sense, found out that a friend of his was getting rid of her stove and buying a new one.

That she might be getting rid of it because it’s a complete junker didn’t occur to him. I came home from work to find that he had surprised me by replacing my perfectly fine stove with the stove his friend had gotten rid of.

I don’t know why he thought I needed a new stove when I liked the old one. The new one is horrible. After only a month, I’ve come to hate cooking, and dread going into the kitchen to try to make a salvageable meal on that piece of garbage.

Obviously the solution is for me to buy a new stove for myself, which I’m going to do, annoyed though I am at having to spend the money. How do I do so in such a way that I don’t convey to my husband that I hated his gift? Do I need to wait a certain amount of time?

What do I say if he asks me why I bought a new stove so soon after he gave me one? Do I raise the subject, and if so how, or do I just quietly replace it and hope he doesn’t say anything?

Gentle reader: There is a difference between the surprise element that comes with a personal present and that of a major shared household item.

Miss Manners gives you her permission to replace the oven openly, telling your husband, “I can see why Mandy got a new stove. I am afraid that this one was on its last legs, and we’ll have to get a new one.”

She further suggests that you take this opportunity to request that your husband confer with you when it comes to replacing crucial domestic appliances — if not, perhaps, charm bracelets and coffee mugs.

Dear Miss Manners: I’m often in groups where the subject of stimulus checks comes up. People will interject that they have, or have not, received what they’d expected.

Due to my high income, I’m not eligible to receive anything. Since I really don’t want to admit how much money I make, I try to just remain silent. However, when asked directly, I lie and say I’ve received mine. Do you see a problem with my lies?

Gentle reader: As no one should be talking about money in polite society anyway, Miss Manners will permit you to escape. If you define the phrase “I’ve received my due” as having already earned it within a higher income bracket, then the truth is merely being subjected to semantics.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.