ASK AMY Siblings can love (but not like) each other

Dear Amy: After becoming a born-again Christian, my brother seemed to feel it was his responsibility to be my moral compass. He critiques my faith, my life and my family. He’s a far-right conservative and never fails to weigh in on any liberal post I make in social media.

He has now chosen to voice his disapproval of my daughter. Why? Because she is gay. He stated that while he loves my child, he can’t condone her lifestyle.

As for my relationship with my brother, I’m not sure I want to get over this hurdle. I love him, I just don’t like him right now, and I’m not sure that it’s worth maintaining a relationship when he keeps thumping me with his superiority and his Bible.

— Seething Sister

Dear Seething: Your brother has answered this for you: You can continue to love him, while not condoning his lifestyle.

I gather that the majority of these connections happen over Facebook. The day you disengage from him, your blood pressure will return to normal. Look into how to hide, unfollow and block before actually “unfriending” him. You can start by exploring the “snooze” function.

Dear Amy: I have a dozen grandchildren. Since the first was born 14 years ago, all my grandkids have used a particular grandmother title, “Gee,” for me. I chose it because it’s easy, and because it doesn’t confuse me with other grandparents and great-grandparents.

One of my daughters lives overseas. She has two children (ages 2 and 4) Their European grandmother is local and sees the children all the time.

Lately, via Zoom, my daughter has been referring to me as a mash-up of both grandmother names. To her children, she refers to me as “Nanny-Gee.” But that’s not my name.

If this was an issue with any of my other children, I’d address it directly. This particular daughter, though, is provocative and argues unnecessarily. I’m unwilling to rock her boat without good reason.

I’m working very hard to maintain a long-distance relationship with these kids. I’d like to be called by my name. Can you help me figure this out?

— What’s In A Name?

Dear What’s: Your name is not “Gee.” That’s the assigned endearment your American grandchildren use. Your European grandchildren are being prompted to refer to you by that name, with the prefix of “Nanny.” Nanny, like “Nana,” translates to “grandmother,” especially in Britain.

Your daughter is asking them to call you “Grandmother Gee,” Given that you mainly know these very young children so far via video, I can see why your daughter prompts them in this way. She is making sure they realize that you are their grandmother, just like the grandmother they see regularly in real life.

My advice is that you should not create or inflate a problem where there shouldn’t be one. Must all of your grandchildren address you identically, and only by the name you choose? I hope not.

Dear Amy: “M” asked if you had any advice for aspiring journal keepers.

In my pediatric practice, I’ve noticed that many of my patients experience stress and anxiety, especially during the pandemic.

Writing in a journal has helped me, so to introduce my patients to writing, I made up a short writing exercise, the 3-Minute Mental Makeover

(3MMM). I write together with my patients using the 3MMM as a guide. My research showed the

3MMM decreases stress for parents, kids and health practitioners.

To do the 3MMM, write: Three things you are grateful for. Be specific (“My dog when she wags her tail; My dad when he bakes cookies.”)

The story of your life in six words (Example: “Born, school, work, work, work, work.”)

Three wishes. (Pretend you rub a magic lamp. List your wishes.)

I have used the 3MMM with thousands of people, and many who didn’t think they could write have started a reflective writing practice.

— David G. Thoele, M.D., Chicago

Dear David: This is wonderful! It is so thoughtful for a pediatrician to work with young patients in this way. I’m starting my own 3MMM writing practice today.