Service workers deserve our respect — no matter what

Dear Miss Manners: I work in customer service, and I would like to remind people that, no matter what’s going on in the world, cashiers are people too. We did not make the rules, but could face consequences if customers refuse to follow them.

In the past few days, as regulations change in my corner of the world, tempers are growing shorter, and I find myself and my co-workers to be a sort of lightning rod for customers’ frustrations. We are cussed out, insulted, spit on and threatened over things like no longer carrying items that were discontinued several years ago, or for gentle reminders about the new regulations. Our store could be shut down — or fined thousands of dollars, which inevitably comes out of employee paychecks one way or another — for failing to uphold these rules.

I promise, when a cashier politely asks a customer to follow the rules, or double-checks that an order is correct before charging the customer’s card, it is done from a place of compassion.

Being kind to others is not a political stance. And spitting on a waitress, hostess, cashier or service worker is not going to change anything except your ability to return to the establishment.

Even casual rudeness to service people during normal times is despicable. What you describe is horrifying evidence that there are

Gentle reader:

people among us who are outside of the realm of civilization.

Dear Miss Manners: Asa female, is it inappropriate for me to give gifts of flowers to other females, or to males? What about potted plants, on occasions when I go over to someone’s house? Could I give a potted plant to a male as a gift, and should I casually mention that I won’t hold it against him if the plant doesn’t survive?

Do the same rules apply when giving flowers to little children? I think it would be nice to surprise a little girl with a cute bouquet for her birthday, or present a little boy or girl with a “botany project.”

Are there any colors/ species that are totally inappropriate to give in any of these cases — like, say, red roses for somebody else’s husband?

Gentle reader: You caught Miss Manners. Up until that last point, she was going to admonish you for gendering the issue. Flowers are for everyone.

Flowers were once considered to convey coded language, and there is still some symbolism in a few of them (white lilies, for example, are generally associated with funerals), but a mixed bouquet can usually get around even that.

However, the floral industry and reality dating shows have indeed discouraged anyone from giving red roses to those who are not viable romantic interests. That would presumably include other people’s husbands. Fortunately, by your own assertion, they would not be able to take care of the flowers anyway.

My wife’s friend came over to borrow a book. My wife

Dear Miss Manners:

warned her in advance that our two grandchildren would be here. The friend showed up just before lunch. The ladies chatted for a while, but then my wife had to excuse herself and start making lunch for the kids.

After lunch, she went outside with the kids and organized a slip-andslide. The friend sat on our porch through all of that, finally leaving after two hours. What would have been an appropriate way to end the visit in less time?

Gentle reader: “I’m so sorry, but I am afraid that this isn’t a good time for a visit. I promised my grandchildren my undivided attention this afternoon. But I will be sure to reach out to you in the next few weeks to see what you thought of ‘Cold Comfort Farm.’ ”

Dear Miss Manners: Reading the 1903 wedding announcement of an antecedent, I wondered about this statement: “Cards have not been sent.” What did this mean in a 1903 newspaper social announcement?

Gentle reader: The items in question would have been engraved cards of admission, to be presented for entrance to the wedding venue — used only at weddings where there would be reason to think that the uninvited would be pressing to get in.

As apparently cards might have been expected, and your relative had to deny using them, that must have been some wedding.