Beat your Scrabble opponent by playing her own game

Dear Miss Manners: I know in this current pandemic, there are pressing issues to discuss; however, I would appreciate your feedback on this board game question.

My sweet, loving wife and I have begun to play Scrabble together, but now we are in disagreement on fair play.

Apparently, she has become quite good at Words With Friends, a smartphone app similar to Scrabble, which I frequently see her playing while I read or watch a movie.

Here is our conflict: In Scrabble, my loving wife will play two-letter words in crossword style to generate several words for triple-word points, and when I challenge her on their meaning, she doesn’t know or can’t explain their context. She defers to the Scrabble dictionary online.

She is usually correct: For example, did you know TA is a saying of gratitude, and BA is a name for the eternal soul in Egyptian mythology?

She didn’t, either. But she got the bonus points, and I lost a turn by challenging.

Words With Friends has no requirement for knowing the meaning of words you play, but I think respectable Scrabble players should know the words they play. That way, they learn and build their vocabulary, too!

My wife (she probably now loves me a bit less) now refuses to play with me because I think it’s a reasonable request to know the meaning of words you use.

Gentle reader: Are you certain there are issues more “pressing” than preserving your marriage during these difficult times? Like what?

Besides, your onceloving wife IS building her vocabulary because you keep challenging those words, thus requiring her to look them up. Not much comfort for you, Miss Manners dares say.

In the interest of marital peace, she suggests that you build your own vocabulary — faster. Online, you can find a list of two-letter words. Learn them in order to use them yourself, and to know when to issue a challenge.

Or persuade your wife to play chess with you.

For the third year in a row, my close friend has emailed me a list of gift ideas for her child. This list is also sent to various other friends and family, in plenty of time before the occasion.

I have never asked for gift ideas for her child. As I live very far away, I am unable to attend any of the child’s birthday parties. Nor am I able to afford a gift, as I have been looking for a job for more than a year now.

The receipt of such an email gives me the impression that I am expected to give this child a present, but I really can’t afford it and am embarrassed to say so. How should I respond? Should she even be sending such an email?

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: Sympathetic as she is to your employment situation, it does not alter Miss Manners’ opinion about your friend’s behavior or how to handle it. Sending a list of desired gifts is presumptuous and rude.

As you do not want to break off the friendship, ignoring the rudeness is the politest course — and requires no defense on your part. If your friend is pushy enough to inquire, thank her for providing the list — and leave it at that.

I’m cleaning out belongings and discovered a package that was supposed to have been sent as a wedding gift in 2013 to a friend from college. Obviously, I let it fall through the cracks!

Should I send it after the fact, maybe with a note explaining the situation? Or just let it go?

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: Your indecision about whether or not to send the gift is easy for Miss Manners to understand; your question about whether sending it will require an accompanying note, less so. Yes, send the gift, and yes, accompany it with a humorous — and apologetic — letter.

Dear Miss Manners: When a colleague informs us of taking time off to attend a funeral, is there a polite way to ask who died?

Gentle reader: Because you want to issue a more personal and heartfelt condolence? Or to find out if the relationship with the deceased genuinely merits missing work?

Miss Manners is trying not to suspect the latter. But “I am so sorry. Were you close?” should politely cover both options. She warns you to resist persisting further, however, if the answer is simply “yes.”