Part-time professor’s students show insufficient deference

Dear Miss Manners: As a part-time university professor, I have of late been receiving emails from students who use the closing salutations “Best” and “Best regards.” A bit of research reveals that many websites do recommend use of these terms by students.

Personally, I find these closings to be far too personal. They actually rankle me.

One way to find alternatives to such terms is to examine advice on writing to judges. After all, we as professors are, in effect, judging students’ mastery of a subject and assigning them a grade. You’d never sign a letter or an email to a judge using “Best” or “Best regards,” or even “Regards.”

One would use “Respectfully,” or similar terms. I find “Respectfully” or “Respectfully yours” far preferable to “Best,” “All the best” or some such when writing to a professor.

Moreover, a simple “Thank you” at the end of an email in which a student is asking for a meeting, or to revisit an assignment, etc., seems quite sufficient to me, and does not verge across the line into overfamiliarity. What do you think?

Gentle reader: It is true that “I remain your humble and obedient servant” was a bit cumbersome, and perhaps odd when writing to challenge the recipient to a duel.

Even among the few of us who have stayed with the more dignified “Sincerely yours” and “Yours truly” — of whom even fewer know that the first is for social correspondence and the second for business — the “yours” is often dropped from “sincerely.”

Miss Manners is always cautioning people not to take such conventions literally, as have those who substitute the cheeky “Hi!” to avoid addressing the unloved as “dear.” “Regards,” which avoids protesting one’s sincerity or truthfulness, is perhaps a bit breezy for a superior, but she would not want to invite arguments about the amount of respect felt toward individual professors. Still, she can’t help thinking “Best what?” when that word appears alone. Would it wear out those senders to add one more word?

But your request for thanks is premature. The writer can express appreciation, but only in the conditional tense — “I would be very grateful if you would ...” — in case you do not comply.

I follow a specific diet that I don’t believe should be of any interest to co-workers or clients, whom I sometimes must meet at restaurants. I always order at least a tea or a carbonated water, because I owe the restaurant something for my seat, and I may order a salad.

I may or may not eat or drink anything I’ve ordered; I’m there to give information to clients, answer questions or motivate my staff. Sometimes I get inquiries such as, “Aren’t you hungry?” to which I answer, “I ate not too long ago.”

I really believe the majority of the people meeting with me care more about why we’re meeting than what I’m

Dear Miss Manners:

eating. However, my No. 2 suggests that eating and drinking at these meetings is important because it mirrors other people’s body language. My thought is that displaying body language that is welcoming and enthusiastic is sufficient.

Also, I present myself to staff and clients as one who is disciplined, works hard and keeps her word. Part of how I present that is a commitment to exercise and health. So I figure they would likely see these restaurant habits as in keeping with what I preach.

Am I being rude in some way? Everyone else at the table is welcome to order anything they like.

You attended events in which you could not fully participate. You did not draw attention to why you were unable to participate. You did your best to disguise your discomfort. And you refrained from lecturing others about their own tastes.

Miss Manners can find little fault with your behavior. But she also understands the point made by your No. 2, which is subtle and dependent on your position as No. 1 — i.e., The Boss.

The location for client meetings may be beyond your control. But avoiding food when you are the host is apt to attract attention, even if such attention does not rise to the level of, “What does she know what we don’t?” For those events, why not choose a different place or activity?

Gentle reader: