Dealing with guests who don’t show up

Her disappointment rang clearly through her email.

“We’ve had some really great people drop out.”

She’s a big-time executive gathering powerful women from across the country for a meeting this week.

I’ll be interviewing some of the movers and shakers in front of the crowd.

I knew I had to introduce my No. 1 rule of hosting, my “No Disappointment RSVP Rule,” if you will.

I trust that everyone is exactly where they are supposed to be.

I didn’t arrive at this seemingly laissez-faire idea overnight.

No, I’ve had more than my share of disappointments, hostessing and otherwise.

Twists and turns have shown me that fate usually has a better plan than I do. I’ve let go the notion that I know how something is supposed to look, to be.

Which is how I got to “Everyone is exactly where they are supposed to be.”

It is the kindest thing any host can do for themselves.

Instead of worrying who is not there, it has allowed me to relax into the notion of enjoying the movie as it unfolds.

Why waste energy on who is not here?

So much better to enjoy who is.

I had to put this to the ultimate test when my own parents didn’t make it to my wedding.

I knew my dad wouldn’t be there; he had died three years before I even met my now husband.

But my mother? That one was a shocker.

When she had a series of small strokes days before she was supposed to fly out, it was clear she wouldn’t be there either. Who was there?

My brother and sister and their spouses. My husband’s parents and more than 100 other friends and family members.

I had waited a lifetime for that day. It made zero sense to fret over my mother not being there. One of my news producer friends stepped up and Skyped my mother into the rehearsal dinner and the actual wedding.

So, I guess you could say she was there, just not like how I had pictured.

Two of her dear friends stayed behind to watch with her so she wouldn’t have to “go” to her daughter’s wedding alone.

Everyone was exactly where they were supposed to be.

And when the Skype signal went out just as the officiant said, “Now you can kiss the bride!” we re-dialed Mom back in and kissed for a second time.

How many couples get two kisses at the altar?

It’s more than that, Dear Reader. All these years later, now that my mom has passed, I can honestly say the day probably went better without her there, as she had a tendency to make things about her.

Not what I would’ve picked, but I’m thankful it was picked for me.

And so it will be with this business meeting, your Thanksgiving, your niece’s baby shower. The host will be there. Everyone else? They’re gravy, if you’ll excuse the holiday pun.

They will be exactly where they’re supposed to be.