New mom consumed by her anxiety

Dear Amy:

Ever since I had a baby, my anxiety has skyrocketed. I am terrified all of the time. I see everything as a threat to my daughter’s health and safety, and I am always envisioning the worstcase scenario where I end up losing her.

I feel completely helpless because I can’t protect her from everything. I question what kind of mother I am to bring a child into this world.

I have everything I’ve ever wanted — a healthy daughter, a wonderful husband, a great dog, a good job, a nice house, etc. — and I’m petrified of losing it all.

As a mother, do you have any advice on how I can help manage these new-mom nerves? Nervous Nelly

Dear Nelly:

My first suggestion is that you see your doctor immediately, describe your symptoms accurately and ask for medical advice on how to handle your postpartum anxiety.

There is no question that parenthood sensitizes adults to all of the risks surrounding their children. Parenthood also, quite simply, cracks the heart wide open to injustice, danger, and — most importantly — deep and abiding joy.

My own experience as a new mom might have been similar to yours. I became somewhat agoraphobic and was quite literally afraid of leaving the house with my baby. My concerned partner saw this happening and gently guided me and our infant to a park across the street, where I sat on a bench and cried. I repeated this pattern every day for a week. And then, our perambulations gradually widened as my fears subsided. Positive experiences built me up and bolstered my bravery.

For now, you should do your best to avoid specific external triggers to your anxiety. You should also work hard to introduce your baby to the world in small steps. The more times you cross the street with her in a stroller, the more adept and confident you should become. The more times you strap her safely into her car seat and navigate a trip to the store, the easier it will be.

It would also be valuable for you to connect with other parents.

Understand that, untreated, your anxiety will transfer to and influence your child in a negative way. You want her to be brave in the world, and so you will have to learn to be brave, too.